My Message To Charisse – 7 Things I Think You Should Know (Part Three) June 21, 2007

OK…if you’ve been following this series of posts then we are about to hit the last three things, if not then you can catch up here and here

#5 – God has a plan for your life

In this part of the message I covered…

• That I am a Clemson fan…as all God’s children are–and that mommy is an FSU fan–and that we should pray for her! :-) Really though…she can pull for the team she chooses!
• Seriously, I told her that Lucretia and I both have preferences and dreams…but that OUR desire for her is that she pursue GOD’S plan for her life and not ours.
• I have seen so many parents try to live their lives through their children…the dad pushes the son to excel in sports, the mom pushes her daughter to enter the beauty contest…and the kid doesn’t want to do it…and when they try to talk to the parents they are made to feel guilty about not wanting to be all that the parent wants them to be. (And then the parent wonders when the kid becomes an adult why they never come back around!)
• I have seen parents manipulate their children…say things like, “If you will go to college and major in BLANK then I will pay for it–but if you major in that other thing–then you are on your own!” The problem with that is–what if “that other thing” is EXACTLY what God wants them to do?
• I understand that before Charisse was my daughter–she was God’s daughter. Ultimately she belongs to Him…I am merely a steward. AND I do not want to get in the way of HIS plans for her life.
• My job is not to dictate her future–but to teach her to fall in love with Jesus, listen to His voice…and then trust He will speak as clearly to her as He speaks to me.
• Jeremiah 29:11 tells us all that we are not an accident–He has a plan for her life–and I want her to embrace it!

#6 – I will always love you.

Some points from this section were…

• I told a story of when my dad bought a brand new 1974 bug and brought it home and began to do some work on it. While he was working he happened to hear REALLY loud noises coming from the front of the car. We he walked around there he saw me with a hammer and I was beating the snot out of his new car!!!
• NOW…he didn’t say, “Oh my–Perry is doing something wrong BUT I cannot correct him because, in doing so, I might damage his self esteem!” Trust me–he damaged my self esteem! I knew that beating the bug with a hammer was wrong when our “special time together” was over. He corrected me…BUT…
• HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING ME! He showed me why I was wrong–but did not say, “I am no longer your father…I don’t love you anymore because you did something stupid!” NO–after the correction he continued loving me–and growing up he OFTEN told me how much he loved me.
• Dads…you cannot tell your children “I love you” enough. Trust me–in working with children and teenagers for so long–one of the number one fears that they have is messing up so bad that their parents eventually hate them! (I literally had teens tell me their parents were going to hate them because of a bad grade!)
• A kid needs to be corrected–BUT also needs to know he/she is loved. Speeding tickets–car wrecks–putting the cat in the microwave–WHATEVER–dads, we need to ALWAYS communicate to our kids that there is NOTHING they can do to make us stop loving them!
• One more thing–I am sick and tired of the men who refuse to do this because “their daddy didn’t do this for them.” BE A MAN–tell your kids you love them–A LOT!!!

#7 – Heaven Is Real–Be There!

And finally–some thoughts here were…

• I know child birth is going to be a little crazy…and coming home with a baby is going to be both exciting and scary. But…
• I shared with my daughter that the first chance I had when we got home–I took her upstairs and sat down in a rocker with her and told her about Jesus. I knew she could not understand–but I wanted the first intimate daddy/daughter moment in our home to be me sharing Christ with her.
• I told her that everyday since I found out that she was on the way that I have prayed for her salvation. I want to see her know, love and serve Jesus all of her life–and there is NOTHING that will excite me more as a father to see her know her heavenly Father.
• It is my job as a father to be ready to share the Gospel with my daughter when she begins to ask questions.
• Parents–Dads–when is the last time you prayed to the Lord and asked Him to draw your child to Him, to save them, to make them a new person?
• When I get to heaven the first person I want to see is Jesus! BUT…we will have eternity to stroll around…and in that time I want to see my mother, friends and so on–but I told Charisse, “More than anything else in the world…I want to see you there…and I will wear myself out and search every corner of heaven until I find you!!!”

That’s it–it was a VERY emotional service for me…and I can’t wait to be a dad!!!

My Message To Charisse – 7 Things I Think You Should Know (Part Two) June 20, 2007

So…continuing the thoughts from this post…

#3 – I Love This Church

Some points I hit here were…

• I told her, “Charisse, it is the year 2019 when you are watching this–and we are getting ready to celebrate our 20th anniversary in the Bi-Lo center in Greenville–and we are going to have to have around 15 services to accommodate the 150,000 to 200,000 people who are going to attend.”
• I also told her that MOST people at NewSpring believed that was going to happen (as was evidenced by the number of people who applauded) but that some did not–and that they were not at our church anymore…OR that they left and came because they finally discovered that the church was not supposed to be an inward focused organization where “everybody knows everybody,” that the body of Christ was more than a stained glass fortress with a steeple…that we are supposed to be about reaching people!!!
• I told the church that I LOVE the church–that I eat, sleep and breathe NewSpring–BUT…that the church will NEVER come before my family!
• I told Charisse, “When it comes to choosing between your birthday party and a church event–YOU WIN! When it comes between your soccer game and a church event–YOU WIN! I can get another church but I can never get another you!” (By the way–when I said this our entire church applauded!)
• Recently I had a couple ask me, “How are you going to prevent your kids from being the typical pastors kid?” I replied, “I am going to be there for her. You see, most pastors spend all their time with everyone’s children except for their own…and that just isn’t going to be me!”
• I then talked about how most men DIVE into a career and leave their family behind. Men will work themselves into a frenzy and then say, “I just want to give my children all the things I never had,” when what he really truly never had was a father who was THERE…and that is all he ever wanted.
• Psalm 127:3 says children are a reward from the Lord–and you treat a reward with great honor…you don’t stick it in the corner and buy it something every once in a while to make it shut up!
• Men, we will be held accountable one day BY GOD as to how we led our families…and you can’t lead something if you are not spending time with it!!!

#4 – I Will Always Love Your Mother!

Some key points here were…

• The story of how I pursued Lucretia for two years before she even agreed to GO OUT WITH ME! AND…how it was worth every single minute. (And I would do it all again!)
• I didn’t say this–but I should have–single guys…I pursued her because she never told me “no–get away from me you creep!” We prayed through this together. If you are “pursuing” a girl and she avoids you, changes her number and has taken out a restraining order against you then you are NOT being “persistent,” but rather A FREAK and should STOP IT!!!!
• The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 that a child is going to GO one day. I told Charisse that I knew she would one day leave the house…and that when that happened I didn’t want to look at Lucretia and say, “Now who are you?”
• I’ve seen the mistake so many times…the kid arrives and the woman pours into the child while the dad pours into the career…and the family falls completely apart.
• I think that men should be responsible for elevating the romance in a home–men, what you did to get her, do the same to keep her. Stop being freakin’ lazy–PURSUE YOUR WIFE!!! This means…
• Have a date night…a night where you leave your “batman utility belt” with all of your devices that enslave you to your job in the car…and you go to a restaurant and talk to your wife!!!
• Ladies–it means you do not call the babysitter ever 10 minutes to check on the kid!!! Talk to your husband.
• I heard a friend of mine say once, “You can pay the babysitter now or the divorce lawyers later!” Ouch!
• Will your child cry when you leave? Probably–it’s a great chance to “disciple” your child about how the world does not revolve around them!!!
• I also told Charisse that once a year Lucretia and I are going to go on a really nice vacation somewhere–WITHOUT HER!!! I said, “You see Charisse–we really want you to have a little brother or sister one day…” :-)
• Dads–the BEST THING you can do in order to provide security for your home is LOVE YOUR WIFE!!!
• This is sad…very sad, because many men have abandoned their families…I heard a stat today that 40% of kids go to bed each night in a home WITHOUT a father. Men, this is hard–it takes GUTS…that is why a lot of men BAIL OUT…they are the little boys that refused to grow up–LOVE your wife…spend time with your kids!!!

My Message To Charisse – 7 Things I Think You Should Know (Part One) June 19, 2007

This past Sunday I did a message to Charisse, my soon to be born daughter, during all four services at NewSpring. I am planning on letting her see it in 2019 when she is 12! Here are the seven things I communicated to her
#1 – I Am Learning As I Go

Some key points in this section were…

• Told a story of the first time I was on a skateboard…and how halfway down the hill I had this thought, “I don’t know how to stop this thing!”
• The situation above is what can be described as an “Oh crap” moment…and…as a parent, life is FULL of them!
• Up until this time in life Lucretia and I have always looked at other kids who freak out in public places and thought, “Someone ought to do something about that.” BUT NOW that is going to be OUR KID!!! Oh crap!
• For the most part I see over and over again that parents, at some point, feel overwhelmed as to HOW to handle a particular situation…in their minds they are saying, “Oh crap.” AND–the good news is that we are NOT called to do this alone!
• Scripture says in James 1:5 that if we lack wisdom (even as a parent) that we should ask God–and that He will pour His wisdom out on us!!! We are NOT ALONE!
• I think the reason a lot of parents are frustrated with parenting is because they refuse to ask for God’s help on a DAILY basis…they only go to Him during their “oh crap” moments. Personally…I think seeking HIS wisdom more often leads to less “oh crap” moments
• I told my daughter that there will not be one single day go by without asking God to show me how to be her father!

#2 – Many Boys Are Jerks–Do Not Settle!

Some key points here were…

• I had a staff member tell me he would change it to “all boys are jerks…and God happens to redeem a few.” I agree!!!
• The problem with many single Christian ladies is the temptation to settle. In a recent survey I saw where 60% of the Christians in America are female…so…many of them feel like that have to take what they can get.
• I told Charisse, “Honey–it is the year 2019 right now…and many of the single ladies here are more in love with the idea of being in a relationship and being married MORE than they are in love with Jesus, and so, they settled…and during the past 12 years many of them are now divorced and have experienced some serious pain in their lives…all because they didn’t have high standards.”
• The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to so much more than we could ever ask or imagine…so single ladies should set incredibly high standards…and then watch God blow them out of the water.
• Lucretia, my wife, said the following question should be asked before entering ANY serious relationship! “Is this the kind of love God meant when He created Adam and Eve, the kind between two people that truly reflects His love for us (the I Corinthians 13 kind), or are you settling for less than God’s immeasurably more than anything you can ask or imagine?”
• What should a man be? What am I looking for in a man who will win the heart of my daughter? (Yes, I will make that call…I am her father!)
• A Priest – he needs to be in love with Jesus and know God’s Word. I tell single guys all the time that the best thing they can do to prepare themselves for marriage is to read the Bible over and over again…to memorize it…AND to apply it!!! If a guy doesn’t know Scripture–he cannot spiritually lead my daughter, and I will show him the door. I said in one service, “If he isn’t willing to go through the book of Leviticus for you then he isn’t worthy of you!” :-)
• A Protector – if a guy EVER puts a lady into a situation where she feels compromised emotionally, physically or spiritually…then he is NOT a godly man, he is actually acting more like satan–seeking to manipulate her to fulfill his own selfish desires. A true man of God protects a woman AND her reputation. It was also here that I said if a boy ever puts here into a situation like I just described…then I will put him into a “situation” that will allow me to begin a prison ministry.
• A Provider – I told my little girl, “Don’t bring home some broke boy that I am going to have to support and who wants to live in my basement!” I want my little girl to date a marry a man who has dreams AND A JOB!!! Single guys–WORK!!! And do not e-mail me telling me that a job isn’t important–that is why you are single you moron!!! Fall in love with Jesus–treat women like women should be treated in the eyes of God–and WORK to provide for her!!!
• I told Charisse that I want great grandkids one day…and that we can’t get racehorses breeding with mules…so date and marry a godly man!!!