Archive for Parenting
Praying For Your Pastor June 3, 2008
This Sunday NewSpring Church (along with nearly 1,000 other churches across the world) will begin our One Prayer series…and so, in recognition of this I would love to ask for everyone to commit to pray for their pastor every single day for the rest of this month.
I know, I know…seems a little self serving doesn’t it? Well…I make no apologies for that–we need your prayers. And yes, I know that every staff member needs prayer…but I will go ahead and say it…no one in the church–NO ONE–feels the spiritual, emotional and physical highs and lows like the senior pastor. Trust me!
With that in mind…let me share five things that I think all pastors need in regards to being prayed for…
#1 - Our Connection With God
Nothing is more important in a senior pastors life than his personal walk with God–nothing. This is where vision takes place–there is where God sets our hearts on fire like in Jeremiah 20:9. This is where PERSONAL conviction, correction and encouragement takes place…and the thing EVERYONE OF US NEED more than anything is to REMAIN IN HIM so that our ministry will be fruitful. (John 15:5)
#2 - Our Family
Going to be honest here…the pastors family goes through things that most pastors will not talk about in front of their church. There is usually constant pressure on the children. People expect his wife to be perfect. AND…what the family goes through spiritually is INTENSE. My wife usually has nightmares five or six nights a week. Charisse has often woke us up at night screaming. I could go on and on…but trust me on this one…if you want to BLESS your pastor–COVER his family in prayer!
#3 - His Relationship With The Staff
The elephant that exists in many churches is that the pastor and the staff don’t really like each other…or there are some serious jealousy issues in regards to the senior pastor, staff will think, “I do as much as he does…so why does he…” You get the picture.
Pray for the staff that he serves with to be loyal to the vision. Pray for the relationships he has…trust me, it is AWESOME to work in an environment where everyone loves each other. (By the way…I have that!) Pray for the staff to help lift up the pastors arms so the enemy can be defeated. (Exodus 17:8-16) Pray for there never to be any unresolved conflict so that ministry does not turn into a war zone.
#4 - His Battle With Spiritual Warfare
I alluded to this earlier…but let me say it again, you would not believe what a pastor faces in regards to spiritual warfare. There are things that have happened to me that I have never preached about (or blogged about) because, well, they are intense.
Most preachers I know have serious bouts with depression (especially on Sunday night and Monday morning.) Every time a critic attacks it takes a chunk out of his soul…whether he admits it or not. Preachers have SERIOUS struggles WHILE preaching messages…I have literally had thoughts like, “Hey idiot, these people hate you are aren’t listening to you–they all wish you were dead.” NO–I’m NOT making that up.
I could literally develop an entire post on this one area…trust me, the pastor goes through INTENSE spiritual warfare…so pray he would walk in victory, resist temptation, hear the voice of Jesus…and so on!
#5 - Rest
Most of us pastors are AWESOME hypocrites! We teach our churches to follow God’s Word–but then we often violate one of the top ten commandments by not taking a day of rest. (See Exodus 20:8-11, I wonder why God took more time to explain this command than the rest…maybe because it is IMPORTANT!)
It’s tough for some pastors because, well, they serve a lazy bunch of people who expect him to do it all while they sit on their butt and have meetings about how inefficient he is. (This is why the average stay for a pastor in America today is less than two years–churches KILL pastors!)
But, for others where the church does not expect him to do it all–he still can never truly disengage from what God has called him to do. Personally, I am always thinking about what’s next. I usually can’t shake the upcoming sermon from my thought pattern…and…I always feel like that I should be doing something.
Pray for us to get rest–the last thing the world needs is ONE MORE burned out pastor. Pray that he could have at least one day a week where he completely disengages from the ministry. And pray that he would have about four or five times a year where he can get away for at least three or four days to chill and relax.
(For the church member somewhere out there that just thought, “I don’t get that.” True…but you also don’t have to go to bed at night with the reality of Hebrews 13:17 hanging over you…so shut up and pray for your pastor!!!) :-)
By the way…I do this, take time to get away…and because of that my walk is stronger, my marriage is better, I am able to connect with my daughter more…and God ALWAYS fills me up with HUGE vision.
So there you have it. Please pray for your pastor. I know there are lots of people who visit this site from other churches…and I pray that you will use this as a means to get started praying for him. If you want to know how to pray for him more specifically–ASK HIM, seriously, I am sure he will let you know.
Hey Mommy–Happy Mother’s Day! May 11, 2008
Hey mommy…this is Charisse, I’ll bet you didn’t know I could write. (Well–daddy IS helping me just a little–but, I am FULL of surprises!) I just wanted to let you know how much I love you…and wanted to say thank you for…
- Carrying me! I understand that hauling me around in your belly wasn’t the most convenient thing in the world. Sorry about all of the ribs I kicked…I was practicing for kicking boys.
- Giving me birth! Daddy tells me that it was a C-section…which had its good points and bad points. Either way, once again, you were willing to inconvenience yourself so that I could enter the world. Thank you for your unselfishness.
- All of the feedings…especially the late night ones. You often went without sleep to make sure that I was cared for. You walked around, at times, looking like a zombie…and yes, I know it was my fault. Once again you went without so that I could have!
- All of the educational videos you’ve watched with me…and all of the books you’ve read. I know that you have, “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?” memorized…but you read it every time just like it’s the first time you’ve seen it. Thank you for making it exciting for me.
- All of the times you’ve cleaned me up and changed my diapers…I have pee’d on you, pooped on you, spit up on you…and you’ve never stopped loving me. Thank you that you don’t expect perfection from me and for keeping in mind that I’m just a little girl.
- For putting your life “on hold” for me. I know you went to school to be a doctor…and put a lot of time into pursuing that career…yet when I came along you made the decision to invest in me.
- For praying for my salvation everyday…and for praying for my future mate as well. I know that daddy has said I can get married when I am 55…but we both know he’ll cave in and let me get married when I am 40!
- For loving daddy (even though he is big and hairy!) Thank you for taking a vacation with him and without me…the best thing you can do for me is for you and him to always have a solid marriage…and you both demonstrate that very well!
Mommy–there is NO WAY I can say “thank you” for all you have poured into me for the past ten months…and the nine months before that. I will not fully understand and/or appreciate all that you have done for me until I am a mommy one day. BUT…I did want you to know that I love you and that you are the best mommy in the world…I’m blessed that God allowed you to give birth to me.
Parents Are Clueless? October 17, 2007
If you have not seen the website then you need to go here right now and check it out (and if you did not see the series promotion video on Sunday–check it out, it’s awesome)…this series is something our church needs…there are “issues” on both sides of the parenting coin. And, like I have said here, those that are non-parents desperately need to check out this series because, it’s not really wise to wait until you are IN a situation to figure out how you are going to deal with it.
We will be covering the following over the few weeks…
Three Crucial Mistakes I Do Not Want To Make As A Parent - I am about four months into my parenting experience…but I served in youth and children’s ministry for nearly a decade before starting NewSpring, and I saw a thing or two that I desperately do not want to do…but they are REALLY easy mistakes to make and, if not careful, I will do exactly what I do not wish to do! AND for non-parents (we all have parents), is there anything I am doing to cause unnecessary stress in the life of my parents?
Four Wishes I Would Make For My Daughter - Let’s say God showed up and offered me four wishes. (Who came up with three wishes anyway?) What, as a parent, should I REALLY wish for? Who does the child really belong to? Why is the child on the planet? What is the biggest lie that parents tell their children that can deviate them from God’s path? AND for non-parents, why do parents seem to push so hard and how in the world do you handle that?
What Happens When A Good Kid Goes Bad - It is completely possible to raise a child in a godly home, loving them unconditionally, taking them to church…and then watch them choose a destructive path that just rips your heart out. What do you do when this happens? Is it your fault? Is Proverbs 22:6 really true? And for non-parents, this weekend could be your story…do you have a fractured relationship with your parents that needs to be healed? You might be surprised at who needs to take the first step!!!
What Is The Best Thing Parents Can Do For Their Kids - This one will be fun. We live in a world that is obsessed with giving kids the best of everything…except in the areas in which it really matters. I have made it a habit of studying successful families since receiving Christ…and ALL of them have some things in common. During this message we will examine what they are–and how the Bible has been saying to do these things all along! AND for non-parents…this will be the message in the series that you do NOT want to miss because, if we align according to the structure set forth in God’s Word–then we can go into marriage and parenting on the right track!
That’s all for now–I can’t give EVERYTHING away! Folks–tell people about the website AND invite them to church this weekend–they will come, I promise–this is a topic that has created a lot of buzz. Get people here…if you tell them we are doing this series…they will come!
Oh yeah–remember for the rest of this month kids get food before the 5:00 service and ice cream afterwards!!! (And you get to sleep in a little on Sunday morning!)
Parents Just Don’t Understand! October 11, 2007
Anyone remember that song? I do; in fact, I think I can still “rap” it word for word. That song connected DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince to the world…and all of us who were teenagers at the time thought that song was just so true.
My how times have changed!
You see, fact is that many of us who were “the kid” when that song came out are now “those parents,” and the older we get the more we realize that our parents weren’t really that stupid! Parents DO understand, but for some reason we have a hard time communicating that truth.
Parenting is weird! I remember thinking so many times after seeing parents treat kids a certain way, “When I get to be a parent I will NEVER do that.” Many of us have said that–and have eaten our words, right?
Parenting is something you just really are never ready for…no matter how many books you read. I realized that it was sort of a “learn as you go” thing when Charisse was about 25 minutes old and the nurse looked at me, smiled and then handed me a diaper. I thought, “OK…here goes, don’t really know how to do this–but I’m going to give it a shot!”
A lot of parents scratch their heads, trying to figure out how the heck this happened…one minute you are the “cool man,” playing in a basketball league and driving a sports car…now you coach four year old soccer and drive a mini-van. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? AND…what challenges are ahead that no one told me about?
SO…beginning next Sunday at NewSpring we are going to start a new series of messages entitled, “The Perfect Kid.” I know lots of parents who boast of their “perfect kid” with the stickers on the back of the family truckster…but in reality…there are no perfect kids…OR parents! (Check out the website for the series…do some reading…interesting stuff!)
We have never done a series on parenting here at NewSpring, so this is going to be totally unique for me from a teaching standpoint. I have purposefully surrounded myself with some very godly parents, had some great conversations with ‘Cretia AND have also done a fair amount of research so that we can journey through the Scriptures together and cover topics such as…
- “Three Crucial Mistakes I Do Not Want To Make As A Parent.”
- “What I Would Wish For My Child If God Gave Me Four Wishes!” (Who came up with three wishes anyway?)
- “What Happens When A Good Kid Goes Bad?”
- “What Is THE BEST Thing Parents Can Do For Their Kids?”
AND…a few other things will be thrown in there as well. We are REALLY looking forward to this series, and I think that through this we will all learn some things together. Trust me…I am definitely NOT teaching this series of messages as an expert but rather as someone who is desperately seeking Jesus for wisdom as to how in the heck to do this.
One more thing…I know parents will be excited about this, but there is probably a college student or a single person out there who might be looking at this series and think, “That’s not that exciting!” Trust me–IT WILL BE! :-) Because…even though you may not be a parent right now…statistics show that you probably will be some day. YOU NEED TO PLAN FOR THIS NOW!!!
One of the things I found most fascinating about Lucretia when we first began dating back in 1996 was the fact that she had already prayed about and thought through the values that she one day wanted to teach her (our) children…and she loved the same thing about me.
In fact, I would go out on a limb and say that college students and singles will LOVE this series because I believe it is going to be so practical…and it’s never too early to begin planning!!!
Pray for me as I prepare to teach on a subject where there will be both laughter and tears…I know God is going to do great things through this series.
What God Is Teaching Me Through Charisse… June 29, 2007
OK…a few thoughts on this Friday (and YES, there is a picture at the bottom!!!)
- So far I have changed every diaper that Charisse has demolished!!! AND I haven’t minded at all…I want her to be clean…that is how God feels about cleaning us up, He actually became sin for us! (II Corinthians 5:21)
- All I want to do is hold her…be close to her…and freeze those moments. God has those same desires, for His children to be close to Him! He sent Jesus to die on a cross NOT just so that we go to heaven…but to have an ongoing relationship with us!!!
- Charisse does not completely understand all of the good things that I want to do for her…she never will, and I think we have no idea what wonderful things God has in mind. (Matthew 7:11)
- There is NOTHING I would not do for her–NOTHING! That is how God feels about blessing His kids! (Psalm 2:8)
- In cleaning her up I have had to put her in uncomfortable situations…but only because I love her and want her to be clean. That is why God takes us through uncomfortable situations. We don’t understand…but it is all for our own good. (Romans 8:28)
- There is NOTHING that Charisse could do to make me stop loving her–that is how God feels about His children. (Romans 8:38-39)
- Charisse has not worked for my love, she was born. that’s it–we do not work for the love of God. He just radically loves us!!! (John 3:3, John 3:16)
Dang–this fatherhood stuff is awesome–speaking of that here is me and my daughter!
I am REALLY looking forward to speaking on Sunday!
My Message To Charisse - 7 Things I Think You Should Know (Part Three) June 21, 2007
OK…if you’ve been following this series of posts then we are about to hit the last three things, if not then you can catch up here and here
#5 - God has a plan for your life
In this part of the message I covered…
- That I am a Clemson fan…as all God’s children are–and that mommy is an FSU fan–and that we should pray for her! :-) Really though…she can pull for the team she chooses!
- Seriously, I told her that Lucretia and I both have preferences and dreams…but that OUR desire for her is that she pursue GOD’S plan for her life and not ours.
- I have seen so many parents try to live their lives through their children…the dad pushes the son to excel in sports, the mom pushes her daughter to enter the beauty contest…and the kid doesn’t want to do it…and when they try to talk to the parents they are made to feel guilty about not wanting to be all that the parent wants them to be. (And then the parent wonders when the kid becomes an adult why they never come back around!)
- I have seen parents manipulate their children…say things like, “If you will go to college and major in BLANK then I will pay for it–but if you major in that other thing–then you are on your own!” The problem with that is–what if “that other thing” is EXACTLY what God wants them to do?
- I understand that before Charisse was my daughter–she was God’s daughter. Ultimately she belongs to Him…I am merely a steward. AND I do not want to get in the way of HIS plans for her life.
- My job is not to dictate her future–but to teach her to fall in love with Jesus, listen to His voice…and then trust He will speak as clearly to her as He speaks to me.
- Jeremiah 29:11 tells us all that we are not an accident–He has a plan for her life–and I want her to embrace it!
#6 - I will always love you.
Some points from this section were…
- I told a story of when my dad bought a brand new 1974 bug and brought it home and began to do some work on it. While he was working he happened to hear REALLY loud noises coming from the front of the car. We he walked around there he saw me with a hammer and I was beating the snot out of his new car!!!
- NOW…he didn’t say, “Oh my–Perry is doing something wrong BUT I cannot correct him because, in doing so, I might damage his self esteem!” Trust me–he damaged my self esteem! I knew that beating the bug with a hammer was wrong when our “special time together” was over. He corrected me…BUT…
- HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING ME! He showed me why I was wrong–but did not say, “I am no longer your father…I don’t love you anymore because you did something stupid!” NO–after the correction he continued loving me–and growing up he OFTEN told me how much he loved me.
- Dads…you cannot tell your children “I love you” enough. Trust me–in working with children and teenagers for so long–one of the number one fears that they have is messing up so bad that their parents eventually hate them! (I literally had teens tell me their parents were going to hate them because of a bad grade!)
- A kid needs to be corrected–BUT also needs to know he/she is loved. Speeding tickets–car wrecks–putting the cat in the microwave–WHATEVER–dads, we need to ALWAYS communicate to our kids that there is NOTHING they can do to make us stop loving them!
- One more thing–I am sick and tired of the men who refuse to do this because “their daddy didn’t do this for them.” BE A MAN–tell your kids you love them–A LOT!!!
#7 - Heaven Is Real–Be There!
And finally–some thoughts here were…
- I know child birth is going to be a little crazy…and coming home with a baby is going to be both exciting and scary. But…
- I shared with my daughter that the first chance I had when we got home–I took her upstairs and sat down in a rocker with her and told her about Jesus. I knew she could not understand–but I wanted the first intimate daddy/daughter moment in our home to be me sharing Christ with her.
- I told her that everyday since I found out that she was on the way that I have prayed for her salvation. I want to see her know, love and serve Jesus all of her life–and there is NOTHING that will excite me more as a father to see her know her heavenly Father.
- It is my job as a father to be ready to share the Gospel with my daughter when she begins to ask questions.
- Parents–Dads–when is the last time you prayed to the Lord and asked Him to draw your child to Him, to save them, to make them a new person?
- When I get to heaven the first person I want to see is Jesus! BUT…we will have eternity to stroll around…and in that time I want to see my mother, friends and so on–but I told Charisse, “More than anything else in the world…I want to see you there…and I will wear myself out and search every corner of heaven until I find you!!!”
That’s it–it was a VERY emotional service for me…and I can’t wait to be a dad!!!
My Message To Charisse - 7 Things I Think You Should Know (Part Two) June 20, 2007
So…continuing the thoughts from this post…
#3 - I Love This Church
Some points I hit here were…
- I told her, “Charisse, it is the year 2019 when you are watching this–and we are getting ready to celebrate our 20th anniversary in the Bi-Lo center in Greenville–and we are going to have to have around 15 services to accommodate the 150,000 to 200,000 people who are going to attend.”
- I also told her that MOST people at NewSpring believed that was going to happen (as was evidenced by the number of people who applauded) but that some did not–and that they were not at our church anymore…OR that they left and came because they finally discovered that the church was not supposed to be an inward focused organization where “everybody knows everybody,” that the body of Christ was more than a stained glass fortress with a steeple…that we are supposed to be about reaching people!!!
- I told the church that I LOVE the church–that I eat, sleep and breathe NewSpring–BUT…that the church will NEVER come before my family!
- I told Charisse, “When it comes to choosing between your birthday party and a church event–YOU WIN! When it comes between your soccer game and a church event–YOU WIN! I can get another church but I can never get another you!” (By the way–when I said this our entire church applauded!)
- Recently I had a couple ask me, “How are you going to prevent your kids from being the typical pastors kid?” I replied, “I am going to be there for her. You see, most pastors spend all their time with everyone’s children except for their own…and that just isn’t going to be me!”
- I then talked about how most men DIVE into a career and leave their family behind. Men will work themselves into a frenzy and then say, “I just want to give my children all the things I never had,” when what he really truly never had was a father who was THERE…and that is all he ever wanted.
- Psalm 127:3 says children are a reward from the Lord–and you treat a reward with great honor…you don’t stick it in the corner and buy it something every once in a while to make it shut up!
- Men, we will be held accountable one day BY GOD as to how we led our families…and you can’t lead something if you are not spending time with it!!!
#4 - I Will Always Love Your Mother!
Some key points here were…
- The story of how I pursued Lucretia for two years before she even agreed to GO OUT WITH ME! AND…how it was worth every single minute. (And I would do it all again!)
- I didn’t say this–but I should have–single guys…I pursued her because she never told me “no–get away from me you creep!” We prayed through this together. If you are “pursuing” a girl and she avoids you, changes her number and has taken out a restraining order against you then you are NOT being “persistent,” but rather A FREAK and should STOP IT!!!!
- The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 that a child is going to GO one day. I told Charisse that I knew she would one day leave the house…and that when that happened I didn’t want to look at Lucretia and say, “Now who are you?”
- I’ve seen the mistake so many times…the kid arrives and the woman pours into the child while the dad pours into the career…and the family falls completely apart.
- I think that men should be responsible for elevating the romance in a home–men, what you did to get her, do the same to keep her. Stop being freakin’ lazy–PURSUE YOUR WIFE!!! This means…
- Have a date night…a night where you leave your “batman utility belt” with all of your devices that enslave you to your job in the car…and you go to a restaurant and talk to your wife!!!
- Ladies–it means you do not call the babysitter ever 10 minutes to check on the kid!!! Talk to your husband.
- I heard a friend of mine say once, “You can pay the babysitter now or the divorce lawyers later!” Ouch!
- Will your child cry when you leave? Probably–it’s a great chance to “disciple” your child about how the world does not revolve around them!!!
- I also told Charisse that once a year Lucretia and I are going to go on a really nice vacation somewhere–WITHOUT HER!!! I said, “You see Charisse–we really want you to have a little brother or sister one day…” :-)
- Dads–the BEST THING you can do in order to provide security for your home is LOVE YOUR WIFE!!!
- This is sad…very sad, because many men have abandoned their families…I heard a stat today that 40% of kids go to bed each night in a home WITHOUT a father. Men, this is hard–it takes GUTS…that is why a lot of men BAIL OUT…they are the little boys that refused to grow up–LOVE your wife…spend time with your kids!!!