Archive for Parenting
Seven Things I Try To Do In Order To Raise A Godly Daughter July 5, 2011
#1 – I date her mother EVERY week!!! (One of the best things I can do as a father is make sure that the foundation at home is SOLID…and that WILL NOT happen without Lucretia and I spending time together.)
#2 – I am at home with my family nearly EVERY night (a ministry calendar does not dominate me…I dominate it!) Lucretia and I both put her to bed, and I sing songs to her and do whatever it takes to hear her laugh.
#3 – I take her on a date every week…and in those dates I actually talk to her. (I do not put in a DVD for a five minute drive to Chick-Fil-A!!! I try my best to have conversations now with her while she is four so that she will actually want to talk with me when she is fourteen!)
#4 – I establish clear boundaries and enforce them. In other words…Lucretia and I are the parents which actually means loving her enough to say “NO” to her at times.
#5 – We have made “fun” a core value in our family, there are times when I come home at night and want to dive onto the couch and do nothing…but if I do that she will grow up seeing church take the best part of my day (thus causing her to get the leftovers) which could cause her to resent what Jesus actually died for.
#6 – We talk about God’s Word…and I allow her to ask questions without getting angry at her.
#7 – We pray together every night…I always want her to remember that her daddy made it a priority to pray with her. I’m not telling her to pray…I’m teaching her how.
Just a few thoughts.
Brian Houston, Leadership and Respect September 21, 2010
I was reminded the other day that Brian Houston may be one of the most successful men/pastors/church leaders that I know.
For those who are not familiar with Pastor Brian…he is the pastor of Hillsong Church…and God has used him in incredible ways over the past 25 years.
But…please keep reading because I am not saying He is successful because he has an amazing church (although it IS one of the most amazing churches I have ever visited.)
I am not saying he is successful because their church seems to continue to produce some of the best worship music on the planet.
I am not saying that he is successful because his church puts on one of the best conferences in church world year after year.
I am saying he’s successful because his son, Joel, put this quote on twitter the other day…
@joelhouston luv that my dad is still the most passionate, wise, secure, humble authentic, trnsparent, motivated Godly man i know
When I read that I personally was FILLED with hope like never before in regards to my relationship with my wife and daughter. Because…
Pastor Brian has been used by God in an incredible way. God has used him to build an amazing church and create an environment where leaders are empowered and released to do amazing things for God’s Kingdom…
BUT…he did not do it at the expense of his marriage or his relationship with his children!
He did not sacrifice his calling to be a godly husband and dad for his calling to be a church leader…
He has done both…and done both well.
Church leaders…it is my prayer that we can learn from this and do the same…because if we build great ministries and everyone loves us except those who know us the best…WE HAVE FAILED!
Pastor Brian is proof that we do NOT have to sacrifice a tremendous legacy in order to have a tremendous ministry!
Pastor Brian…thanks for showing us this can be done…keep up the amazing work!
(ONE MORE THING…pastors…I know we can do just about everything right and still have children that go astray! I say this to encourage you…don’t give up on them! If you did all you can then you’ve GOT to trust Proverbs 22:6 and know that your child was HIS child…and He will bring them home!!!)
Intimidation Leads To Isolation July 7, 2010
Here’s a clip from the message I preached on June 27th about the point that intimidation leads to isolation – that if we seeking to yell and scream at our kids for their first 10 years then we will isolate them for the next 50 – many times as parents we think our words are not a big deal…but we’re wrong!
Praying For Your Pastor June 3, 2008
This Sunday NewSpring Church (along with nearly 1,000 other churches across the world) will begin our One Prayer series…and so, in recognition of this I would love to ask for everyone to commit to pray for their pastor every single day for the rest of this month.
I know, I know…seems a little self serving doesn’t it? Well…I make no apologies for that–we need your prayers. And yes, I know that every staff member needs prayer…but I will go ahead and say it…no one in the church–NO ONE–feels the spiritual, emotional and physical highs and lows like the senior pastor. Trust me!
With that in mind…let me share five things that I think all pastors need in regards to being prayed for…
#1 – Our Connection With God
Nothing is more important in a senior pastors life than his personal walk with God–nothing. This is where vision takes place–there is where God sets our hearts on fire like in Jeremiah 20:9. This is where PERSONAL conviction, correction and encouragement takes place…and the thing EVERYONE OF US NEED more than anything is to REMAIN IN HIM so that our ministry will be fruitful. (John 15:5)
#2 – Our Family
Going to be honest here…the pastors family goes through things that most pastors will not talk about in front of their church. There is usually constant pressure on the children. People expect his wife to be perfect. AND…what the family goes through spiritually is INTENSE. My wife usually has nightmares five or six nights a week. Charisse has often woke us up at night screaming. I could go on and on…but trust me on this one…if you want to BLESS your pastor–COVER his family in prayer!
#3 – His Relationship With The Staff
The elephant that exists in many churches is that the pastor and the staff don’t really like each other…or there are some serious jealousy issues in regards to the senior pastor, staff will think, “I do as much as he does…so why does he…” You get the picture.
Pray for the staff that he serves with to be loyal to the vision. Pray for the relationships he has…trust me, it is AWESOME to work in an environment where everyone loves each other. (By the way…I have that!) Pray for the staff to help lift up the pastors arms so the enemy can be defeated. (Exodus 17:8-16) Pray for there never to be any unresolved conflict so that ministry does not turn into a war zone.
#4 – His Battle With Spiritual Warfare
I alluded to this earlier…but let me say it again, you would not believe what a pastor faces in regards to spiritual warfare. There are things that have happened to me that I have never preached about (or blogged about) because, well, they are intense.
Most preachers I know have serious bouts with depression (especially on Sunday night and Monday morning.) Every time a critic attacks it takes a chunk out of his soul…whether he admits it or not. Preachers have SERIOUS struggles WHILE preaching messages…I have literally had thoughts like, “Hey idiot, these people hate you are aren’t listening to you–they all wish you were dead.” NO–I’m NOT making that up.
I could literally develop an entire post on this one area…trust me, the pastor goes through INTENSE spiritual warfare…so pray he would walk in victory, resist temptation, hear the voice of Jesus…and so on!
#5 – Rest
Most of us pastors are AWESOME hypocrites! We teach our churches to follow God’s Word–but then we often violate one of the top ten commandments by not taking a day of rest. (See Exodus 20:8-11, I wonder why God took more time to explain this command than the rest…maybe because it is IMPORTANT!)
It’s tough for some pastors because, well, they serve a lazy bunch of people who expect him to do it all while they sit on their butt and have meetings about how inefficient he is. (This is why the average stay for a pastor in America today is less than two years–churches KILL pastors!)
But, for others where the church does not expect him to do it all–he still can never truly disengage from what God has called him to do. Personally, I am always thinking about what’s next. I usually can’t shake the upcoming sermon from my thought pattern…and…I always feel like that I should be doing something.
Pray for us to get rest–the last thing the world needs is ONE MORE burned out pastor. Pray that he could have at least one day a week where he completely disengages from the ministry. And pray that he would have about four or five times a year where he can get away for at least three or four days to chill and relax.
(For the church member somewhere out there that just thought, “I don’t get that.” True…but you also don’t have to go to bed at night with the reality of Hebrews 13:17 hanging over you…so shut up and pray for your pastor!!!) :-)
By the way…I do this, take time to get away…and because of that my walk is stronger, my marriage is better, I am able to connect with my daughter more…and God ALWAYS fills me up with HUGE vision.
So there you have it. Please pray for your pastor. I know there are lots of people who visit this site from other churches…and I pray that you will use this as a means to get started praying for him. If you want to know how to pray for him more specifically–ASK HIM, seriously, I am sure he will let you know.
Hey Mommy–Happy Mother’s Day! May 11, 2008
Hey mommy…this is Charisse, I’ll bet you didn’t know I could write. (Well–daddy IS helping me just a little–but, I am FULL of surprises!) I just wanted to let you know how much I love you…and wanted to say thank you for…
- Carrying me! I understand that hauling me around in your belly wasn’t the most convenient thing in the world. Sorry about all of the ribs I kicked…I was practicing for kicking boys.
- Giving me birth! Daddy tells me that it was a C-section…which had its good points and bad points. Either way, once again, you were willing to inconvenience yourself so that I could enter the world. Thank you for your unselfishness.
- All of the feedings…especially the late night ones. You often went without sleep to make sure that I was cared for. You walked around, at times, looking like a zombie…and yes, I know it was my fault. Once again you went without so that I could have!
- All of the educational videos you’ve watched with me…and all of the books you’ve read. I know that you have, “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?” memorized…but you read it every time just like it’s the first time you’ve seen it. Thank you for making it exciting for me.
- All of the times you’ve cleaned me up and changed my diapers…I have pee’d on you, pooped on you, spit up on you…and you’ve never stopped loving me. Thank you that you don’t expect perfection from me and for keeping in mind that I’m just a little girl.
- For putting your life “on hold” for me. I know you went to school to be a doctor…and put a lot of time into pursuing that career…yet when I came along you made the decision to invest in me.
- For praying for my salvation everyday…and for praying for my future mate as well. I know that daddy has said I can get married when I am 55…but we both know he’ll cave in and let me get married when I am 40!
- For loving daddy (even though he is big and hairy!) Thank you for taking a vacation with him and without me…the best thing you can do for me is for you and him to always have a solid marriage…and you both demonstrate that very well!
Mommy–there is NO WAY I can say “thank you” for all you have poured into me for the past ten months…and the nine months before that. I will not fully understand and/or appreciate all that you have done for me until I am a mommy one day. BUT…I did want you to know that I love you and that you are the best mommy in the world…I’m blessed that God allowed you to give birth to me.
Parents Are Clueless? October 17, 2007
If you have not seen the website then you need to go here right now and check it out (and if you did not see the series promotion video on Sunday–check it out, it’s awesome)…this series is something our church needs…there are “issues” on both sides of the parenting coin. And, like I have said here, those that are non-parents desperately need to check out this series because, it’s not really wise to wait until you are IN a situation to figure out how you are going to deal with it.
We will be covering the following over the few weeks…
Three Crucial Mistakes I Do Not Want To Make As A Parent - I am about four months into my parenting experience…but I served in youth and children’s ministry for nearly a decade before starting NewSpring, and I saw a thing or two that I desperately do not want to do…but they are REALLY easy mistakes to make and, if not careful, I will do exactly what I do not wish to do! AND for non-parents (we all have parents), is there anything I am doing to cause unnecessary stress in the life of my parents?
Four Wishes I Would Make For My Daughter – Let’s say God showed up and offered me four wishes. (Who came up with three wishes anyway?) What, as a parent, should I REALLY wish for? Who does the child really belong to? Why is the child on the planet? What is the biggest lie that parents tell their children that can deviate them from God’s path? AND for non-parents, why do parents seem to push so hard and how in the world do you handle that?
What Happens When A Good Kid Goes Bad – It is completely possible to raise a child in a godly home, loving them unconditionally, taking them to church…and then watch them choose a destructive path that just rips your heart out. What do you do when this happens? Is it your fault? Is Proverbs 22:6 really true? And for non-parents, this weekend could be your story…do you have a fractured relationship with your parents that needs to be healed? You might be surprised at who needs to take the first step!!!
What Is The Best Thing Parents Can Do For Their Kids – This one will be fun. We live in a world that is obsessed with giving kids the best of everything…except in the areas in which it really matters. I have made it a habit of studying successful families since receiving Christ…and ALL of them have some things in common. During this message we will examine what they are–and how the Bible has been saying to do these things all along! AND for non-parents…this will be the message in the series that you do NOT want to miss because, if we align according to the structure set forth in God’s Word–then we can go into marriage and parenting on the right track!
That’s all for now–I can’t give EVERYTHING away! Folks–tell people about the website AND invite them to church this weekend–they will come, I promise–this is a topic that has created a lot of buzz. Get people here…if you tell them we are doing this series…they will come!
Oh yeah–remember for the rest of this month kids get food before the 5:00 service and ice cream afterwards!!! (And you get to sleep in a little on Sunday morning!)
Parents Just Don’t Understand! October 11, 2007
Anyone remember that song? I do; in fact, I think I can still “rap” it word for word. That song connected DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince to the world…and all of us who were teenagers at the time thought that song was just so true.
My how times have changed!
You see, fact is that many of us who were “the kid” when that song came out are now “those parents,” and the older we get the more we realize that our parents weren’t really that stupid! Parents DO understand, but for some reason we have a hard time communicating that truth.
Parenting is weird! I remember thinking so many times after seeing parents treat kids a certain way, “When I get to be a parent I will NEVER do that.” Many of us have said that–and have eaten our words, right?
Parenting is something you just really are never ready for…no matter how many books you read. I realized that it was sort of a “learn as you go” thing when Charisse was about 25 minutes old and the nurse looked at me, smiled and then handed me a diaper. I thought, “OK…here goes, don’t really know how to do this–but I’m going to give it a shot!”
A lot of parents scratch their heads, trying to figure out how the heck this happened…one minute you are the “cool man,” playing in a basketball league and driving a sports car…now you coach four year old soccer and drive a mini-van. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? AND…what challenges are ahead that no one told me about?
SO…beginning next Sunday at NewSpring we are going to start a new series of messages entitled, “The Perfect Kid.” I know lots of parents who boast of their “perfect kid” with the stickers on the back of the family truckster…but in reality…there are no perfect kids…OR parents! (Check out the website for the series…do some reading…interesting stuff!)
We have never done a series on parenting here at NewSpring, so this is going to be totally unique for me from a teaching standpoint. I have purposefully surrounded myself with some very godly parents, had some great conversations with ‘Cretia AND have also done a fair amount of research so that we can journey through the Scriptures together and cover topics such as…
- “Three Crucial Mistakes I Do Not Want To Make As A Parent.”
- “What I Would Wish For My Child If God Gave Me Four Wishes!” (Who came up with three wishes anyway?)
- “What Happens When A Good Kid Goes Bad?”
- “What Is THE BEST Thing Parents Can Do For Their Kids?”
AND…a few other things will be thrown in there as well. We are REALLY looking forward to this series, and I think that through this we will all learn some things together. Trust me…I am definitely NOT teaching this series of messages as an expert but rather as someone who is desperately seeking Jesus for wisdom as to how in the heck to do this.
One more thing…I know parents will be excited about this, but there is probably a college student or a single person out there who might be looking at this series and think, “That’s not that exciting!” Trust me–IT WILL BE! :-) Because…even though you may not be a parent right now…statistics show that you probably will be some day. YOU NEED TO PLAN FOR THIS NOW!!!
One of the things I found most fascinating about Lucretia when we first began dating back in 1996 was the fact that she had already prayed about and thought through the values that she one day wanted to teach her (our) children…and she loved the same thing about me.
In fact, I would go out on a limb and say that college students and singles will LOVE this series because I believe it is going to be so practical…and it’s never too early to begin planning!!!
Pray for me as I prepare to teach on a subject where there will be both laughter and tears…I know God is going to do great things through this series.