I’m not a rocket scientist…but I honestly do not believe that is what Jesus called us to OR what He wants for our lives.

AND yet so many of us (church leaders) struggle/wrestle with this (usually inwardly because if we said out loud that we are dying inside we fear that people may perceive us as weak!)

Here are ten signs that you are near a burnout and/or meltdown…

#1 – You are beginning to despise people and your compassion for them is continually decreasing rather than increasing.

#2 – You OFTEN think about doing something other than ministry…and your biggest desire isn’t to honor God and reach people but to simply find relief from the pressure that seems to be building daily inside of you.

#3 – You cannot remember the last time you simply had fun with family and friends…and joy is something you talk about but are not experiencing for yourself.

#4 – You are disconnected at home…when you get there you do not want to engage with your spouse or your children, you cannot enjoy being around them…you spend more time online than you do with your family…and you find yourself wanting to sleep all of the time.

#5 – You continually tell yourself and those you love that “this is just a really busy season and that you will slow down soon.”  (However, the truth is that you have been most likely “singing that same song” for years!)

#6 – You are continually becoming obsessed with what others say about you…and one negative comment from someone who does not like you can put you in an incredibly deep valley and cause you to feel hopeless.

#7 – You begin to make easy decisions rather than the right ones…because the right ones take too much work.

#8 – There is no hope in you…and, you actually despair life.  You have actually thought of death…and some have even entertained suicidal thoughts.

#9 – You are experiencing unexplained depression and/or anxiety.  You are even having panic attacks and you can’t explain it!

#10 – You are increasingly becoming withdrawn from family and friends.

“How did you come up with this list,” you ask…it’s quite simple, I went back to December 2007 until January of this past year and listed out the qualities that were the most prominent in my own life.  That’s right…my life!  I went through a trial of intense depression and anxiety during that time period and, the best way I can describe my life would be “dark!”

However, through me swallowing my pride and asking for help, the support of an incredible wife, the support of great friends and seeking out an incredible counselor…and the unbelievable mercy of God I broke free from my darkness this past January.  Oh sure, I still struggle with it more often than I wish I would…but I cannot tell you the incredible feelings of freedom and joy I’ve had since January that I haven’t had in YEARS!

And…this is the motivation for Reawaken – a one day worship/seminar for senior pastors, their wives and other church leaders as well.  It’s going to be an event where I am going to be talking about the things that pastors don’t talk about that often…how to overcome the desire to quit and actually get your passion/joy back at a level that you didn’t believe you could have.

ALSO…I am bringing in who I would consider to be THE BEST counselor on the planet for pastors and church leaders.  His name is Dr John Walker…and not only is he a licensed psychologist but he has also planted churches, pastored churches and served in nearly every capacity as a church staff member.  In others words…he understands our world.

It’s going to be an incredible day…in fact, it COULD be the day that the Lord uses to SAVE your ministry!  You can go here to find out more information about it...but I can tell you right now that it is going to be the most raw and real event that you will EVER attend.  AND…pastors, I am REALLY encouraging you to bring your spouse to this one!!!

God called us to do a lot of things for Him…but He did not call us to flame out or drop out.  I want what Paul said in II Timothy 4:7 to be true of all of us!  I want us to finish well!

From all of the research I’ve seen…Monday’s are the days when we are most tempted to quit, to give up…to just walk away and start a brand new job as a people greeter at Wal Mart.

Just remember…

#1 – He called you…and it wasn’t to get to this place so He can drop you on your face!  (Philippians 1:6)

#2 – He WILL build HIS church!  (Matthew 16:18)

#3 – He did not necessarily promise to deliver you from the fire…but He did promise to walk with you through it!  (Isaiah 43:1-3)

#4 – There is MORE in STORE for your life and ministry!  (Hosea 10:12)

#5 – When we obey the voice of God we are unstoppable (Joel 2:11)

#6 – Have courage, be strong, don’t back down from what He has called you to do!  (I Corinthians 16:13)

#7 – God didn’t call you because of your greatness but rather because of HIS…and HE’S STILL GREAT despite at times you may feel like you are not!  (II Corinthians 4:1)

#8 – “This” problem will NOT destroy you!  (II Corinthians 4:8-9)

#9 – STOP comparing yourself to others…the same God who called and empowered them did the same for you!  (Galatians 2:8)

#10 – STOP praying for protection…PRAY FOR BOLDNESS!!!  (Acts 4:29-31)

I will admit that I’ve had that thought more than once in my ten year journey as the pastor of NewSpring Church.  There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world…and then there are others where I feel the world has conquered me.

If you are a pastor then I know you’ve been there…

• You feel like the sermon was horrible.
• You had a staff member go south on you.
• You lose sleep at night while you wrestle through a decision.
• People lie about you (or tell half truths, same thing really!)
• The critics take shots at you.
• The level of spiritual warfare in your life increases.
• You feel inadequate to do the job most days.
• You experience being lonely on a level that very few people can understand.

I could go on and on…but you get the point.

In the past 10 years in being the pastor of this church I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  AND…yes, I have caught myself asking the question many times, “Is it really worth all of this?”

And EVERY TIME God speaks to me and says, “YES!”

Hey pastor…if He called you then He has equipped you and will sustain you!  He is WITH YOU and will NEVER leave you.  HE is SO worth it!

Yesterday was one of those days for me…Jesus completely overwhelmed me and reminded me that following Him has been worth it.  Yes, there is a price to pay in ministry…but it is NOWHERE near the price the ONE we follow paid for us!

It’s worth it!

And…as Jesus was drawing people to Himself yesterday during the invitation I kept thiniking to myself, “I am SO GLAD that I haven’t quit or given up on the vision God gave me in 1996 to start a church…following Him has not been easy, but it is SO worth it!”

Pastor, God did not call you so that you could prove yourself to Him (and others,) but rather He called you to “prove” His Son to the world!  The reason so many of us wrestle with wanting to give up so often is that we feel like we have sometime to prove…

BUT…there is tremendous freedom found in a ministry where the man of God has fully determined that he has nothing to prove and dedicates himself to working for the applause of heaven and NOT the applause of man.

Yes, it’s worth it!  So…stay in the game, focus on Christ and beg Him to make His voice so clear to you so that you will know what He wants next!

Don’t EVER give up on the God who has never given up on you!  (Philippians 1:6)

#6 – Stop Looking At Other Houses!

The thing a lot of people do when they begin to build a house is look at other houses and covet things about that house instead of being thankful for the one they have.

The same is true with pastors…the reason so many are falling is they are buying satans lie that “the grass is greener on the other side,” not realize that the only reason that is so is because that grass is over the septic tank.

Job 31:1…dude, memorize it, get it tattooed on your face, do whatever you need to do…but STOP looking at other women and thinking, “I did everything wrong with my wife…but if I could start over with her then things would be awesome.”

Not true…if you started over with her you would still be the weak, pathetic wus that you are right now…the one who would run when the heat gets turned up, the one who would care more about your feelings than the wake of destruction you would leave, the one who would refuse to repent and then uses God’s grace as an excuse to continue to sin.

Bottom line…if you run from this marriage you will run from the one you think will be awesome!!!  Stop LOOKING and “your dream house” and make the one you’ve got right now YOUR DREAM HOUSE!!!

The dude who was consumed with sex and himself was never used by God to do great things…ever!

One more thing…

Some pastors might not be about to have an affair or jump out of their marriage…but you are addicted to porn.  Dude…it’s sin, you know it…and you need to get help because it WILL destroy your marriage.  Trust me…as a former porn addict I know the damage it will cause.  You’ve GOT to stop looking at other men’s daughters like that…and, if you need help, get help.

(Here is a blog post I did several years ago where I outline my personal battle with pornography and how I was able to gain victory over it!)

Final Thoughts…

I know I came across as strong in some of these posts…I meant to.  Because, in the end, I have a heart for pastors…and I want to see more, not less, cross the finish line and be able to say, “I have fought the good fight…I have kept the faith.”

It’s NEVER been easy to give up on marriage that it is right now…and that’s why I am calling on ALL pastors and church leaders to do whatever we can to make sure our marriages are healthy.

No one wants to see another ministry destroyed because the pastor could not keep it in his pants!!!  AND…if we are going to call the men in our churches to high standards of integrity then we’ve GOT to lead the way.

When the builders show up next door they don’t just walk in the house and lay down and begin to pray that the work will get done…they walk onto the property ready to work.

Unfortunately the reason so many pastors marriages go bad is that they are willing to pray for their marriage…but unwilling to roll up their sleeves and actually work on it.

Like I have alluded to before…pastors know how to work on the Bride of Christ…they just don’t know how to work on the bride the Lord has given them…and that needs to be repented of!

Guys…what matters to your wife?  What does she consider to be romantic?  What does she consider to be fun?

The bottom line is this…in my marriage Lucretia defines success for me—that’s it!  She is the one who lets me know if I am being successful as a husband…or if I am being slack.

And pastor—YOUR marriage WILL TAKE WORK.  We can’t complain about how bad our marriage is if we haven’t given our best effort.

So…ask yourself that question…are you giving your marriage the very best you’ve got…or are you giving your wife leftovers and expecting her to give you a feast?

(I did this blog post just a few weeks ago about questions husbands should ask their wives…it’s a good place to begin.)

#5 – Invite others to help

The house next door has a leader who heads up the project…but he isn’t going at it alone.  If one dude tried to build the house it would take FOREVER to get it done…and maybe he might not ever finish it because there are just some things that a man can’t do alone.

One of a man’s BIGGEST sins (including pastors) is the issue of PRIDE!  We HATE admitting we’re in over our heads.  We HATE saying that there is a problem that we just can’t handle…but reality is…God didn’t intend for us to do life alone.

How exactly does this apply to marriage?  Simple…two ways…

The first is…if you are struggling in your marriage…ASK FOR HELP!  I don’t care if you are the freakin pastor…GET HELP NOW!  James 5:16 tells us to confess sin to one another and pray for one another.  Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us we need others in our lives to SPUR and ENCOURAGE us!

Dude…there is TOO MUCH AT STAKE to let your pride get in the way of you getting help.  Don’t allow your stupidity to shipwreck the faith of so many people.

Let me say it again…if you need help…ASK FOR IT!  The only reason a person in the body of Christ EVER has to drown is because they don’t have the courage to ask for a life preserver!

The second is…spend time with people who have an awesome marriage.  Take them out to dinner and ask them a lot of questions.  It’s amazing what we can learn from others who have gone before us.

The third is…(I know I said two)…read as much as you can about marriage.  Many of us have recommended lots of books to others…but have you actually read them and followed the advice yourself?

We NEED each other…unfortunately, LOTS of pastors have buddies—very few actually have friends, which makes this hard.  We should seek to establish deep friendships and be willing to be transparent with those closest to us…like I said, we can’t make it on our own.

Here’s the deal about the house next door…the dudes working on it show up EVERY DAY…EARLY…and stay late.

Hey church leader…in order to build a home you need to BE AT HOME…period!

I know WAY too many pastors who let the expectations and demands of needy, clingy church people (notice I didn’t say Christians) DRIVE them to a place of insanity and burnout…and then those same church people will stand around his coffin and talk about how he should have taken better care of himself.

Too many pastors are at other kids baseball games and missing their own kids baseball game…this HAS TO STOP!

Guys…we’ve GOT to spend time at home…and NOT apologize for it.  We’ve GOT to be with our spouse in order to work on the marriage.

My recommendation…ask her questions like…

• What time would you like me home every night?
• How many nights a week would you like for us to have dinner as a family?
• How can I serve you and the kids once I get home?
• What can I do for you when the kids go to bed to make you feel special?  (BTW…she’s not going to say, “channel surf!”)

Now…before I move on…let me deal with the nasty reason many church leaders don’t want to go home…

Because at home they are NOT “a rock star!”

You see, at church, at ANY size church, the pastor is “the man.”  He’s respected and admired and often complimented by others.  In many cases this can produce a false perception of power and control…and the pastor begins to think that everyone who sees him needs to bow and pay homage.  (Which is something that needs to be repented of…they don’t serve us…we serve one another and we all serve Christ!)

Then he goes home…and his wife and kids just aren’t impressed with him.  (Dude, your wife has seen you naked…there is ABSOLUTELY nothing about you that impresses her!)  And…some guys can’t handle being the servant at home…they have to be “the man,” and that NEVER contributes to a healthy marriage.

One of the BEST things we can BEG God for is for Him to allow us to see ourselves through His eyes…which will not usher in feelings of pride but rather humility and gratitude!

The other day I spent hours in a meeting talking about campuses, budgets, traveling…all kinds of HUGE decisions that needed making.  Then I left church and went home…where in less than five minutes I was wiping Charisse’s butt because she had just dropped a bomb!  God uses things like this at times to remind me, “At the end of the day…all you are is a servant…and don’t ever forget it!”

Guys…guess what…we’ve got to see “butt wiping” as just as important as budgeting!   We’ve got to see setting the table as just as important as setting up a service.  We’ve got to see washing dishes as just as important as watching sermons on youtube!  We’ve GOT TO BE THERE for our wife and kids…

If we’re not there for our family…satan will be…don’t let him lead what God has give you responsibility for!

#1 – We’ve Got To Have A Solid Foundation

The first thing they did when they began constructing the house next door is make sure the foundation was solid.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-27 that we should take the time to make sure the foundation is ROCK SOLID…because WHEN (not if) the rains come and we aren’t solid…the crash is going to be intense.

So…church leader, here’s the question for us today…how much time and effort are we putting into making sure than the foundation of our marriage is solid?  It’s really sad when a church leader spends hours and hours developing a plan for a successful ministry…but won’t put a fraction of that time into developing a plan for a successful marriage.  What is your plan for success in your marriage?

(BTW…if you marriage falls apart, your ministry will too…so it’s worth the effort!)

We’ve GOT to take the marriage covenant seriously!

One more thing…if you are single and in ministry the BEST WAY to prepare yourself for marriage is fall in love with Jesus and do EVERYTHING it takes to stay connected to Him.  AND then don’t settle for ANYTHING less than someone else who does the same thing.

It is WAY better to remain single than to be with the wrong person!

#2 – Follow The Plan

I’ve driven by the house next door several times and have seen the guys actually stop building and gather around the plans to make sure they are getting things done right…that’s not a bad plan for our marriages either…are we building according to God’s plan…such as…

• Guys…are you being harsh with her when you speak?  She’s your wife…NOT your staff member.  (I Peter 3:7)  AND…btw…you should not be harsh with your staff either!
• Ladies…is he feeling respected and admired by you?  (Ephesians 5:33)
• Guys…are you serving her like Jesus served…or is your focus on being served?  (Matthew 20:28)
• Ladies…are you reminding him of a torture device that won’t shut up? (Proverbs 27:15)
• Guys…are you making sure she is completely taken care of, OR are you neglecting her in order to make yourself look good?  (Ephesians 5:25-27)
• Ladies…are you a crown or cancer?  (Proverbs 12:4)
• Guys…are you aware of what a blessing she is?  (Proverbs 31:10)
• Ladies…are you careful or careless in how you speak and how you spend?  (Proverbs 19:14)
• BOTH OF YOU…are you taking care of one another sexually?  (I Corinthians 7:3-5)
• Single dude…are you LOOKING for a wife or expecting to be found?  (Proverbs 18:22)

I could go on and on…but the problem is so clear…to many church leaders are trying to teach God’s Word and not LIVE God’s Word.  And…if this falls apart in our house then it is only a matter of time before it falls apart in God’s house!

The other morning I was lying in bed and listening to the workers build the house next door (they usually begin around 5:50!)  :-)  I began thinking through and praying about what it takes to build a house…and how those same principle’s apply to having a solid marriage…

THEN IT HAPPENED…and “it” pissed me off and broke my heart at the same time…

ANOTHER pastor had an affair on his wife, blew his marriage completely apart and left damage and destruction is his wake that impacted THOUSANDS of people.  (I blogged about this at another point when I got angry with this post entitled, “Keep Your Penis In Your Pants.”)

I’m frustrated…because…it really does seem like this is happening more, not less.  Heck, I don’t know…maybe it’s always been a problem.  Maybe because of the internet and social media we are just now discovering something that has actually been around for quite a while.

Pastors–church leaders–we’ve GOT to take a stand against this.  We cannot continue to pretend it isn’t happening…and we can’t think that we are immune to the temptation either.  We’ve GOT to make INTEGRITY an issue in our ministry…because if we don’t MAKE IT an issue now…it WILL BE an issue in the future.

The stakes are high…and we need men of God who are not willing to trade in the anointing for an orgasm!

Yes, He does forgive.  Yes, His grace covers our sins…but His grace DOES NOT cover our consequences!

So…beginning tomorrow I am going to do a series of posts on how I believe pastors/church leaders (HECK…ANYBODY) can literally affair proof their marriage.

AND…please don’t send me an email telling me that “I don’t understand your situation.”  When it comes to pastors…I DO…we’ll get into that tomorrow.

(NewSpring–this is NOT some sort of message from me to you…this is a post where I feel incredibly led to minister to pastors who may be hurting! AND God has an amazing sense of humor–this article was actually written last Thursday, before the local “excitement” from this past weekend.)

I have a heart for pastors and so today I would just like to share the three areas that I believe cause the most pain in a pastors life.

#1 – Pain From Loneliness

I served on staff for nearly a decade at two other churches before starting NewSpring Church, and I can remember thinking about the pastors I served under, “I do just as much as they do, and I don’t think they deal with any more junk that I have to deal with.” I made those assumptions because I was arrogant, stupid and wrong. Trust me when I say that only a pastor can understand the pain of a pastor.

This hit me right between the eyes one night when I was describing to Lucretia the pain I happened to be dealing with at the time and she looked at me and said, “Perry, I love you–but I do not understand how you feel. I hurt for you and I will pray for you–and I wish I could understand, but I just can’t.” I remember thinking how incredibly lonely I felt at that moment because my wife couldn’t even understand.

Pastors, trust me when I say that you need another pastor to talk to, to vent with, to pour out your heart to…they can understand better than anyone on the planet…because they, too, have experienced loneliness at your level.

#2 – Pain From Criticism

All pastors receive criticism–ALL! Sometimes it is warranted and other times it is not–BUT the thing most people don’t realize is that it always hurt. (Especially when someone begins by saying, “Now don’t take this personally, but…”)

I have had the type of car I drive criticized, the house I live in, the shoes I wear (seriously), how much I sweat and the gym, how I preach, you name it. AND when criticism comes from those who know me and love me I always receive it and see what the Lord would have to say to me through it. Wounds from a friend can be trusted–BUT…

Real pain is experienced when those who don’t know you at all feel some sort of mandate from God to attack you via their website or other venue…yet they’ve never had a conversation with you nor do they ever intend to.

Real pain occurs when people take a segment of what you said in a sermon and base an entire opinion about you based on a two minute segment of a clip from the internet. Pastors, you will be misquoted and misrepresented by those who lack the courage to take the time to get to know you…or MAYBE even hit their knees for you if they are so convinced that you are wrong.

AND…if you get angry then you are “worldly.” If you ignore it then they feel like they were in the right. If you defend yourself then you are just “insecure.” You literally can’t win here!

And someone can say that those things should not matter all they want–but trust me friends, the pain is real.

Pastors, please keep something in mind…someone who continually attacks you and/or your ministry just isn’t normal. Seriously, if they visit your blog or listen to your sermons daily and then actually spend time tearing you apart…uh…just ask yourself who in the world has the time to do that! That is why I simply refuse to fight with them–it’s a waste of time.

#3 – Pain From Unrealistic Expectations

Pastors can NEVER do everything right. If we visit the hospital then we either stay too long or not long enough. When we preach we either are too shallow or too hard to understand. When we are at the office we either need to be in deep study AND also be available for every phone call, e-mail and every random person that happens to drop by. When we walk through the crowd we spend too much time with some people and not enough time with others.

Every move a pastor makes is being watched–and by many, scrutinized. People will place expectations on a pastor that they would never be willing to live up to themselves…and if he asks for help or says he is going under he is often reminded that, “Pastor–we pay your salary, get it done!

This is why many pastors families simply fall apart–they cave in to the expectations placed on them by selfish, self seeking church members who expect them to do everything–but never lift a finger to help…and forgetting something that most people never actually stop to think about–pastors are human beings with real feelings and a real heart. SO…the pastor spends all his time at church functions, ignores his family…and when his kids become hellions the “prayer groups” in the church gossip about him and tear him apart verbally.

Let me be VERY clear…I am blessed to serve here at NewSpring Church. God has shaped me so much over the past seven years; however, one of the things He has used to shape me is pain. Pain is not avoidable as a pastor–it’s real. Anytime I fall into thinking that my life should somehow be easy I read what the Apostle Paul said in II Corinthians 11:22-29–AND the words of Jesus in John 16:33.

Pastors–we will experience pain–that is just a fact of life. BUT in those times is when I have found that Jesus becomes more real to me than ever before. There are times we have to do what David did in I Samuel 30:1-6, focus on verse six–David strengthened himself in the Lord his God–and then went on to accomplish incredible things for His name!

I love my job…I love what God has called me to…there is NOTHING I would rather be doing–BUT, with the calling to follow there is a calling to carry the cross. BUT…pastors, it’s worth it. It is so worth it to be faithful. It is so worth it when we see people come to Christ. It is so worth it when we see a marriage restored. It is so worth it when we see the excluded included. It is so worth it when we see people receive hope. It is so worth it when we see addicts set free. It is SO WORTH IT!!!

To the pastor out there who is struggling–HANG ON! As I have said here before (that I heard someone else say), one day we will stand in front of One whose assignment was much tougher than ours–and He didn’t quit–neither should we. It’s so worth it! Pain IS a part of the process of being a pastor–and when it comes we should ask the Lord to shape us through it so that we may be more effectively used for His glory.