Archive for Finishing Well
Ten Signs You Are Near A Burnout/Meltdown September 14, 2011
My counselor shared a statistic with me two years ago that floored me…90% of the people entering ministry DO NOT RETIRE from ministry, they either quit or have some sort of moral/ethical failure that disqualifies them.
I’m not a rocket scientist…but I honestly do not believe that is what Jesus called us to OR what He wants for our lives.
AND yet so many of us (church leaders) struggle/wrestle with this (usually inwardly because if we said out loud that we are dying inside we fear that people may perceive us as weak!)
Here are ten signs that you are near a burnout and/or meltdown…
#1 – You are beginning to despise people and your compassion for them is continually decreasing rather than increasing.
#2 – You OFTEN think about doing something other than ministry…and your biggest desire isn’t to honor God and reach people but to simply find relief from the pressure that seems to be building daily inside of you.
#3 – You cannot remember the last time you simply had fun with family and friends…and joy is something you talk about but are not experiencing for yourself.
#4 – You are disconnected at home…when you get there you do not want to engage with your spouse or your children, you cannot enjoy being around them…you spend more time online than you do with your family…and you find yourself wanting to sleep all of the time.
#5 – You continually tell yourself and those you love that “this is just a really busy season and that you will slow down soon.” (However, the truth is that you have been most likely “singing that same song” for years!)
#6 – You are continually becoming obsessed with what others say about you…and one negative comment from someone who does not like you can put you in an incredibly deep valley and cause you to feel hopeless.
#7 – You begin to make easy decisions rather than the right ones…because the right ones take too much work.
#8 – There is no hope in you…and, you actually despair life. You have actually thought of death…and some have even entertained suicidal thoughts.
#9 – You are experiencing unexplained depression and/or anxiety. You are even having panic attacks and you can’t explain it!
#10 – You are increasingly becoming withdrawn from family and friends.
“How did you come up with this list,” you ask…it’s quite simple, I went back to December 2007 until January of this past year and listed out the qualities that were the most prominent in my own life. That’s right…my life! I went through a trial of intense depression and anxiety during that time period and, the best way I can describe my life would be “dark!”
However, through me swallowing my pride and asking for help, the support of an incredible wife, the support of great friends and seeking out an incredible counselor…and the unbelievable mercy of God I broke free from my darkness this past January. Oh sure, I still struggle with it more often than I wish I would…but I cannot tell you the incredible feelings of freedom and joy I’ve had since January that I haven’t had in YEARS!
And…this is the motivation for Reawaken – a one day worship/seminar for senior pastors, their wives and other church leaders as well. It’s going to be an event where I am going to be talking about the things that pastors don’t talk about that often…how to overcome the desire to quit and actually get your passion/joy back at a level that you didn’t believe you could have.
ALSO…I am bringing in who I would consider to be THE BEST counselor on the planet for pastors and church leaders. His name is Dr John Walker…and not only is he a licensed psychologist but he has also planted churches, pastored churches and served in nearly every capacity as a church staff member. In others words…he understands our world.
It’s going to be an incredible day…in fact, it COULD be the day that the Lord uses to SAVE your ministry! You can go here to find out more information about it...but I can tell you right now that it is going to be the most raw and real event that you will EVER attend. AND…pastors, I am REALLY encouraging you to bring your spouse to this one!!!
God called us to do a lot of things for Him…but He did not call us to flame out or drop out. I want what Paul said in II Timothy 4:7 to be true of all of us! I want us to finish well!
10 Things We Need To Focus On! July 19, 2010
So, it’s Monday…and you feel like a one legged man who entered a butt kicking contest!
From all of the research I’ve seen…Monday’s are the days when we are most tempted to quit, to give up…to just walk away and start a brand new job as a people greeter at Wal Mart.
Just remember…
#1 – He called you…and it wasn’t to get to this place so He can drop you on your face! (Philippians 1:6)
#2 – He WILL build HIS church! (Matthew 16:18)
#3 – He did not necessarily promise to deliver you from the fire…but He did promise to walk with you through it! (Isaiah 43:1-3)
#4 – There is MORE in STORE for your life and ministry! (Hosea 10:12)
#5 – When we obey the voice of God we are unstoppable (Joel 2:11)
#6 – Have courage, be strong, don’t back down from what He has called you to do! (I Corinthians 16:13)
#7 – God didn’t call you because of your greatness but rather because of HIS…and HE’S STILL GREAT despite at times you may feel like you are not! (II Corinthians 4:1)
#8 – “This” problem will NOT destroy you! (II Corinthians 4:8-9)
#9 – STOP comparing yourself to others…the same God who called and empowered them did the same for you! (Galatians 2:8)
#10 – STOP praying for protection…PRAY FOR BOLDNESS!!! (Acts 4:29-31)
Zac Smith’s Story March 1, 2010
Yesterday we showed this video at NewSpring Church about Zac, his battle with cancer and his faith that God is God…no matter what. It messes me up EVERY time I watch it…I pray this may be used to both challenge and encourage you!
Dear Pastor, It’s Worth It! January 25, 2010
Every pastor I know has, at one point, wrestled with the question, “Is THIS really worth it?”
I will admit that I’ve had that thought more than once in my ten year journey as the pastor of NewSpring Church. There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world…and then there are others where I feel the world has conquered me.
If you are a pastor then I know you’ve been there…
- You feel like the sermon was horrible.
- You had a staff member go south on you.
- You lose sleep at night while you wrestle through a decision.
- People lie about you (or tell half truths, same thing really!)
- The critics take shots at you.
- The level of spiritual warfare in your life increases.
- You feel inadequate to do the job most days.
- You experience being lonely on a level that very few people can understand.
I could go on and on…but you get the point.
In the past 10 years in being the pastor of this church I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. AND…yes, I have caught myself asking the question many times, “Is it really worth all of this?”
And EVERY TIME God speaks to me and says, “YES!”
Hey pastor…if He called you then He has equipped you and will sustain you! He is WITH YOU and will NEVER leave you. HE is SO worth it!
Yesterday was one of those days for me…Jesus completely overwhelmed me and reminded me that following Him has been worth it. Yes, there is a price to pay in ministry…but it is NOWHERE near the price the ONE we follow paid for us!
It’s worth it!
And…as Jesus was drawing people to Himself yesterday during the invitation I kept thiniking to myself, “I am SO GLAD that I haven’t quit or given up on the vision God gave me in 1996 to start a church…following Him has not been easy, but it is SO worth it!”
Pastor, God did not call you so that you could prove yourself to Him (and others,) but rather He called you to “prove” His Son to the world! The reason so many of us wrestle with wanting to give up so often is that we feel like we have sometime to prove…
BUT…there is tremendous freedom found in a ministry where the man of God has fully determined that he has nothing to prove and dedicates himself to working for the applause of heaven and NOT the applause of man.
Yes, it’s worth it! So…stay in the game, focus on Christ and beg Him to make His voice so clear to you so that you will know what He wants next!
Don’t EVER give up on the God who has never given up on you! (Philippians 1:6)
How Pastors (And Everyone) Can Build A Marriage That Will Last – Part Four August 28, 2009
Final post…
#6 – Stop Looking At Other Houses!
The thing a lot of people do when they begin to build a house is look at other houses and covet things about that house instead of being thankful for the one they have.
The same is true with pastors…the reason so many are falling is they are buying satans lie that “the grass is greener on the other side,” not realize that the only reason that is so is because that grass is over the septic tank.
Job 31:1…dude, memorize it, get it tattooed on your face, do whatever you need to do…but STOP looking at other women and thinking, “I did everything wrong with my wife…but if I could start over with her then things would be awesome.”
Not true…if you started over with her you would still be the weak, pathetic wus that you are right now…the one who would run when the heat gets turned up, the one who would care more about your feelings than the wake of destruction you would leave, the one who would refuse to repent and then uses God’s grace as an excuse to continue to sin.
Bottom line…if you run from this marriage you will run from the one you think will be awesome!!! Stop LOOKING and “your dream house” and make the one you’ve got right now YOUR DREAM HOUSE!!!
The dude who was consumed with sex and himself was never used by God to do great things…ever!
One more thing…
Some pastors might not be about to have an affair or jump out of their marriage…but you are addicted to porn. Dude…it’s sin, you know it…and you need to get help because it WILL destroy your marriage. Trust me…as a former porn addict I know the damage it will cause. You’ve GOT to stop looking at other men’s daughters like that…and, if you need help, get help.
Final Thoughts…
I know I came across as strong in some of these posts…I meant to. Because, in the end, I have a heart for pastors…and I want to see more, not less, cross the finish line and be able to say, “I have fought the good fight…I have kept the faith.”
It’s NEVER been easy to give up on marriage that it is right now…and that’s why I am calling on ALL pastors and church leaders to do whatever we can to make sure our marriages are healthy.
No one wants to see another ministry destroyed because the pastor could not keep it in his pants!!! AND…if we are going to call the men in our churches to high standards of integrity then we’ve GOT to lead the way.
How Pastors (And Everyone) Can Build A Marriage That Will Last – Part Three August 27, 2009
#4 – Work
When the builders show up next door they don’t just walk in the house and lay down and begin to pray that the work will get done…they walk onto the property ready to work.
Unfortunately the reason so many pastors marriages go bad is that they are willing to pray for their marriage…but unwilling to roll up their sleeves and actually work on it.
Like I have alluded to before…pastors know how to work on the Bride of Christ…they just don’t know how to work on the bride the Lord has given them…and that needs to be repented of!
Guys…what matters to your wife? What does she consider to be romantic? What does she consider to be fun?
The bottom line is this…in my marriage Lucretia defines success for me—that’s it! She is the one who lets me know if I am being successful as a husband…or if I am being slack.
And pastor—YOUR marriage WILL TAKE WORK. We can’t complain about how bad our marriage is if we haven’t given our best effort.
So…ask yourself that question…are you giving your marriage the very best you’ve got…or are you giving your wife leftovers and expecting her to give you a feast?
#5 – Invite others to help
The house next door has a leader who heads up the project…but he isn’t going at it alone. If one dude tried to build the house it would take FOREVER to get it done…and maybe he might not ever finish it because there are just some things that a man can’t do alone.
One of a man’s BIGGEST sins (including pastors) is the issue of PRIDE! We HATE admitting we’re in over our heads. We HATE saying that there is a problem that we just can’t handle…but reality is…God didn’t intend for us to do life alone.
How exactly does this apply to marriage? Simple…two ways…
The first is…if you are struggling in your marriage…ASK FOR HELP! I don’t care if you are the freakin pastor…GET HELP NOW! James 5:16 tells us to confess sin to one another and pray for one another. Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us we need others in our lives to SPUR and ENCOURAGE us!
Dude…there is TOO MUCH AT STAKE to let your pride get in the way of you getting help. Don’t allow your stupidity to shipwreck the faith of so many people.
Let me say it again…if you need help…ASK FOR IT! The only reason a person in the body of Christ EVER has to drown is because they don’t have the courage to ask for a life preserver!
The second is…spend time with people who have an awesome marriage. Take them out to dinner and ask them a lot of questions. It’s amazing what we can learn from others who have gone before us.
The third is…(I know I said two)…read as much as you can about marriage. Many of us have recommended lots of books to others…but have you actually read them and followed the advice yourself?
We NEED each other…unfortunately, LOTS of pastors have buddies—very few actually have friends, which makes this hard. We should seek to establish deep friendships and be willing to be transparent with those closest to us…like I said, we can’t make it on our own.
How Pastors (And Everyone) Can Build A Marriage That Will Last – Part Two August 26, 2009
#3 – Show Up
Here’s the deal about the house next door…the dudes working on it show up EVERY DAY…EARLY…and stay late.
Hey church leader…in order to build a home you need to BE AT HOME…period!
I know WAY too many pastors who let the expectations and demands of needy, clingy church people (notice I didn’t say Christians) DRIVE them to a place of insanity and burnout…and then those same church people will stand around his coffin and talk about how he should have taken better care of himself.
Too many pastors are at other kids baseball games and missing their own kids baseball game…this HAS TO STOP!
Guys…we’ve GOT to spend time at home…and NOT apologize for it. We’ve GOT to be with our spouse in order to work on the marriage.
My recommendation…ask her questions like…
- What time would you like me home every night?
- How many nights a week would you like for us to have dinner as a family?
- How can I serve you and the kids once I get home?
- What can I do for you when the kids go to bed to make you feel special? (BTW…she’s not going to say, “channel surf!”)
Now…before I move on…let me deal with the nasty reason many church leaders don’t want to go home…
Because at home they are NOT “a rock star!”
You see, at church, at ANY size church, the pastor is “the man.” He’s respected and admired and often complimented by others. In many cases this can produce a false perception of power and control…and the pastor begins to think that everyone who sees him needs to bow and pay homage. (Which is something that needs to be repented of…they don’t serve us…we serve one another and we all serve Christ!)
Then he goes home…and his wife and kids just aren’t impressed with him. (Dude, your wife has seen you naked…there is ABSOLUTELY nothing about you that impresses her!) And…some guys can’t handle being the servant at home…they have to be “the man,” and that NEVER contributes to a healthy marriage.
One of the BEST things we can BEG God for is for Him to allow us to see ourselves through His eyes…which will not usher in feelings of pride but rather humility and gratitude!
The other day I spent hours in a meeting talking about campuses, budgets, traveling…all kinds of HUGE decisions that needed making. Then I left church and went home…where in less than five minutes I was wiping Charisse’s butt because she had just dropped a bomb! God uses things like this at times to remind me, “At the end of the day…all you are is a servant…and don’t ever forget it!”
Guys…guess what…we’ve got to see “butt wiping” as just as important as budgeting! We’ve got to see setting the table as just as important as setting up a service. We’ve got to see washing dishes as just as important as watching sermons on youtube! We’ve GOT TO BE THERE for our wife and kids…
If we’re not there for our family…satan will be…don’t let him lead what God has give you responsibility for!