Archive for Charisse
A Conversation With My Daughter January 16, 2012
My daughter get’s it!
We were driving home from church a couple of months ago and I asked her this question, “Charisse, did you know that your daddy loves you?”
“Yes sir,” she replied.
“Well, do you know why I love you,” I asked.
“Because I’m your little girl,” she answered.
THEN I asked the BIG Question:
“Do you think daddy could ever stop loving you?”
“No sir,” she said.
“And why not,” I asked.
“Because I’m your little girl and I will always be your little girl!”
I smiled and thought, SHE’S GOT IT…she knows that my love for her is NOT based on her performance but rather her position as my daughter. Even though she will break some rules in the future and do some things that I am quite sure will grieve my heart…she will always be loved by me because she is mine.
I’ve told her on numerous occasions, “You can’t make me not love you!”
It’s funny though…even though I know this when it comes to me and my relationship with Charisse I sometimes struggle with it when it comes to my relationship with God. If I am not careful I will naturally drift into a performance mentality, actually believing He loves me because of how much time I spent reading my Bible, how many people responded to the sermon I preached or how well I fought the urge to sin…
And then during the times when I mess up, when I have a bad attitude, when I entertain a lustful thought…I begin the focus on who I am and think, “there’s no way He loves me, heck, I don’t even love me right now!”
But, what’s true about me and my daughter is true of me and my relationship with God (AND you too if you belong to Him!) That His love for us is not based on our performance but rather our position as His child.
The Apostle Paul said it best in Romans 8:38-39 where He said that NOTHING can separate us from God’s love! NOTHING! (And…if you will read those verses it’s a pretty extensive list!)
I believe it is essential for every believer in Christ to get this…because I am convinced that our lives would look so much different if we lived them out in the confidence that He loves us rather than the false idea that we’re somehow trying to earn His love.
God’s love is based on position, not performance…just felt like someone needed to hear that today.
Spiritual Warfare July 20, 2011
Spiritual warfare is real…every time I read Ephesians 6:10-12 I am reminded of that fact; however, sometimes something happens pretty close to home…like what happened with Charisse last Friday…
Friday mornings are usually my mornings to “sleep in.” Usually I do so until around 7:00…but last Friday I was very tired and wound up staying in bed until around 8:15 or so. I finally got out of bed, turned on my coffee maker and then walked upstairs to Charisse’s room where Lucretia had been for about 45 minutes or so.
(For new readers…Charisse is my four year old daughter, Lucretia is my amazing wife!)
Whether Lucretia or myself gets Charisse up in the mornings it is pretty much the same routine. We spend some time chatting with her when she first wakes up then she makes up her bed (with a little assistance from us) and then we sit down and read her children’s Bible and a devotional with her.
When I got into the room on Friday morning Lucretia had “that look” on her face, the one that says “I’m frustrated.” (If you are a husband then you know that look quite well and usually your biggest prayer is “that look” has something to do with the kids and not you!!!)
So, I asked her (with a touch of nervousness) “what’s wrong?”
She said, “It’s been a frustrating morning, Charisse hasn’t been paying attention to her Bible or devotional and has been actually resisting wanting to read it and/or listen to it. It’s never been like this and I knew something was wrong. It took some time but she finally told me what was happening.”
I was curious and so I asked what Charisse had said, to which she turned to Charisse and said, “tell daddy what you told me about why you didn’t want to read your Bible.”
Charisse looked me and said, “Daddy, I had a bad dream last night. Satan was in my dream and he told me that he didn’t want me to read my Bible anymore or even listen to it and that when you or mommy tried to read it to me that I needed to cry and be not nice and not pay attention.”
I was stunned.
I have read about things like this. Heck, I’ve talked with people about spiritual warfare issues…and I’ve even experienced some things personally that I do not talk about publicly that much (because it would simply bring out the people who happen to see a demon behind every bad thing that happens!)
But this was real…it was serious…and it was happening in my home!
(AND…for the record let me be VERY clear. We do not allow Charisse to have a lot of television time…and so she doesn’t know about “scary movies” and such. We don’t talk a whole lot about the devil in our house. We’re always talking to her about Jesus. This was not something she had seen on television or the computer.)
The enemy launched a direct attack against my daughter…and his attack on her was the same basic attack he launched on Eve in the Garden of Eden (and that he launches on us every day)…don’t listen to the Word of God. If he can get us to doubt and discard God’s Word, then he can ultimately destroy our lives (see John 10:10)…and he does not care how young or old we are…he’s on the attack (I Peter 5:8) and warfare is real.
Lucretia and I spent some time with her that morning explaining to her that Satan is a liar (see John 8:44) and that anything he says is meant to hurt us, not help us. She received what we were teaching her and went on to listen to the Bible stories and the devotional like normal…however, that event was a divine slap in the face for me as I was reminded by the Lord that I need to pray more fervently for my family (see Lamentations 2:19)…that we would be ROOTED in God’s Word and protected from the enemy and the schemes he has to attack and destroy our family. (II Corinthians 2:11)
Spiritual warfare is real…it happens everyday and the main goal of the enemy is to get us to doubt and discard God’s Word!
I do not write this to scare you (and for the record, Charisse does not live in fear about this bad dream she had!) I write this to encourage you to pray like you’ve never prayed and to DIVE into God’s Word…because if the enemy is trying to keep you away from something then it MUST be good for you.
I’ve never met anyone who was sold out to God’s Word and God’s ways confess to me about a past life that they regret…however, I’ve had numerous people who have followed the way of rebellion tell me that they wish they had it to do all over again.
God can use all things for His glory and our good…and He has done so with this event in my life, I hope that me writing about it encourages you to be aware that we have a real, live enemy…and that you will not fear him but rather take up the fight against him through prayer and applying the Word of God in your life.
Seven Things I Try To Do In Order To Raise A Godly Daughter July 5, 2011
#1 – I date her mother EVERY week!!! (One of the best things I can do as a father is make sure that the foundation at home is SOLID…and that WILL NOT happen without Lucretia and I spending time together.)
#2 – I am at home with my family nearly EVERY night (a ministry calendar does not dominate me…I dominate it!) Lucretia and I both put her to bed, and I sing songs to her and do whatever it takes to hear her laugh.
#3 – I take her on a date every week…and in those dates I actually talk to her. (I do not put in a DVD for a five minute drive to Chick-Fil-A!!! I try my best to have conversations now with her while she is four so that she will actually want to talk with me when she is fourteen!)
#4 – I establish clear boundaries and enforce them. In other words…Lucretia and I are the parents which actually means loving her enough to say “NO” to her at times.
#5 – We have made “fun” a core value in our family, there are times when I come home at night and want to dive onto the couch and do nothing…but if I do that she will grow up seeing church take the best part of my day (thus causing her to get the leftovers) which could cause her to resent what Jesus actually died for.
#6 – We talk about God’s Word…and I allow her to ask questions without getting angry at her.
#7 – We pray together every night…I always want her to remember that her daddy made it a priority to pray with her. I’m not telling her to pray…I’m teaching her how.
Just a few thoughts.
Is There Anything You Are Holding Onto That God Wants You To Let Go Of? February 10, 2011
I was out of town last week and a day or two before I came home I walked into a little shop to buy Charisse, my three year old daughter, a “surprise.” (This is something I’ve always tried to do and I usually wind up getting her some type of little stuffed animal as she LOVES them. This time I bought her a little wolf and she named him “Wyoming”…because that is where I was when I purchased him.)
Anyway…
I gave him to her last Friday night and she smiled SO BIG (which EVERY daddy wants to see in his child…their joy!) She held him close to her and paraded around the house for the rest of the night saying, “Wyoming the wolf…Wyoming the wolf!” It was pretty cute…
The next morning I woke her up for our daddy/daughter date (wrote about why I do that here) and she wanted to bring Wyoming the wolf with us. Honestly (work with me here) I was a little jealous…I mean it was OUR time, OUR date…and she wanted to bring the stupid wolf. I allowed it…but told her that he would have to stay in the car and could not go into the Waffle House with us (as I feared they may scatted, smother and cover him!)
That night when I was putting her to bed she wanted Wyoming the Wolf to go upstairs to her room with us while she got ready for bed. AND…here’s the BIG DEAL…when it came time for her to give me a hug and kiss goodnight she literally put the wolf in between us because she wanted it to be involved. Honestly, at this point I was considering making the wolf “disappear,” heck, she was giving more attention to this stuffed animal than she was to me AND I knew that within a week or two she would not “love it” anymore and be obsessed with something else…and THEN God spoke pretty clearly…
He reminded me of all of the times I had done the exact same thing to Him…
He is my heavenly Father and longs to bless me (all of us actually) in ways we could never even imagine (see Matthew 7:7-11). Yet…so many times in my life I have received His blessings and actually worshipped them MORE than Him! (This is DANGEROUS ground–see Romans 1:25).
Heck, we’ve all done it, right?
So…the question I’ve been thinking about/wrestling with since then is…is there anything in my life that I am holding onto that God wants me to let go of? OR…another way of saying it is, “Is there anything in my life that I am giving more time, attention and money to other than HIM?”
God never asked to be ranked somewhere in our “top 10 list” of priorities…Jesus said we are to put Him FIRST (see Matthew 6:33)…and I am continually realizing that this is a constant struggle in a world that constantly produces commercials that inform us of all we do not have. If I am not careful I can actually begin to pursue and worship CREATION way more than my CREATOR.
So…it’s a question I am wrestling through…how about you?
Do You Love Me More Than 18 Dollars? January 27, 2011
The other night I was putting Charisse (my three year old little girl to bed) and I told her that I love her. She looked me right in the eyes and told me, “I love you too daddy.”
I then told her, “Charisse…I love you more than you could ever imagine!”
She said, “what does imagine mean?”
So I told her, “basically I love you bigger than you could ever think about or dream.”
Her eyes got really wide and she looked at me with the most serious look I’ve ever seen on her face and then asked me, “do you love me more than 18 dollars?”
STOP–18 dollars, that is HUGE in her world. Seriously, 18 dollars is about as big as she could imagine…and when I told her that I loved her so much more than 18 dollars she had the biggest smile on her face…it absolutely amazed her that my love for her was greater than something that she thought was of so much value.
While I was walking down the stairs after leaving her room I was laughing at how “cute” that moment was until I felt the Lord move in my heart and show me that me trying to comprehend His love for me is like Charisse trying to comprehend my love for her…my mind literally could never even conceive it! (See Ephesians 3:17-19)
God loves His children…NOT based on their PERFORMANCE but rather as His POSTION as His child.
And…if you belong to Jesus then God’s love for you is more powerful that the sin that seems to haunt you…
- God loves you even though you are wrestling through an addiction!
- God loves you despite the abortion.
- God loves you even though the divorce was finalized.
- God loves you even though you can’t get that particular season from your past out of your mind.
- God loves you even though you rejected His love and sought to be religious to gain His approval.
- God loves you even though you turned your back on Him and ran as hard as you could.
He loves you because YOU are HIS CHILD (Romans 8:38-39)…and that love He has for us is greater than anything we could imagine or fathom. When we try to describe His love we wind up saying really silly things like, “God, do you love me more than 18 dollars?” To which He replies to us that we have NO IDEA!
He gave His SON to pay for our sins…that’s UNBELIEVABLE love! Because, honestly, if someone told me it would take the life of my daughter to pay for your sins, well, sorry, you would be in hell! BUT God, IN HIS mercy sent Jesus to absorb His wrath in our place…NOT because we deserved it, but because of His unbelievable love. (See Romans 5:6-8)
His love causes me to be in awe of Him…how HE could love me not BECAUSE of who I am, but in spite of who I am…and love me more than my greatest sin!
I’m in awe of a God who loves like that!
My Thoughts On Daddy Dates, WHY I Make A Big Deal Out Of Them January 13, 2011
I take Charisse (my three year old little girl) on a date just about EVERY Saturday morning. (There are VERY few exceptions to this.) I’ve been doing this since she was about five months old and plan on doing it until Jesus takes me off of this planet! I’ve had a few people ask me about this recently in regards to why I began doing this and how I do it…so I will try to tackle those things in today’s post.
WHY DID I START DOING IT? Two main reasons…
#1 – I really do desire to be a major influence in my daughter’s life. I want her to feel like she can talk with me (even though I know there are times she will choose not to.) I want for her to feel connected, loved and special to me…and the ONLY way I can do that is by investing as much time into her as I can RIGHT NOW! I cannot wait until she is 8…or 10…or 14 and then try to move in and assert my authority. I’ve seen that go bad WAY too many times. I want her to reach her teenage years and be able to look back and see that I’ve always desired to spend quality time with her…and no matter how crazy/hectic our lives were I always MADE time to spend with just her. She probably won’t remember the heart necklace I bought her for Christmas this past year when she’s 12…but I am guessing she will remember our Saturday morning trips to the Waffle House…and it is my prayer she will treasure those times deeply.
#2 – I want to serve my wife. Let me be VERY clear about this…being a full time mother is exhausting!!! Lucretia (my wife) was sick over Christmas and I had Charisse duty…it wore my butt out!! One of the things I see in full time mothers is that they are always tired…ALWAYS…because their job never ends, they don’t get to punch a clock and go home! They hardly ever have time to themselves. They hardly ever get to sleep in. They hardly ever have any time to relax. SO…early on I decided that I would do “date day” with Charisse not only for my daughter…but also for my wife. Saturday morning is her morning to sleep in…to relax…to read, go to the gym…WHATEVER she wants to do. Charisse and I are usually home by lunch time (because that is important to Lucretia)…but even then many times I try my best to prepare lunch for Charisse, thus trying to allow as much time to Lucretia to relax as possible.
Lucretia has told me on numerous occasions that me making “daddy date day” a priority communicates to her that I love her AND I value our family. Dads…like it or not, you can’t claim that you are truly loving and investing in the lives of your kids if you are devoting ZERO time to them.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Before I share my hows…let me be clear that this is something that has been in the process of developing over three years. You may can learn from this list but you really need to dive in and see what works best for you and your son/daughter…
#1 – I make the time a priority – I alluded to this earlier…but dads, if you are not intentional about it then it will never happen…no father “accidentally spends time with their kids!”
#2 – I acknowledge the awkwardness - I am just being honest, but Charisse is three and a half years old right now and it is just now getting to where it isn’t really weird. Seriously dads…it is awkward to sit with a one year old at Chic Fil A and watch them eat. You have NO IDEA what to talk about. You have NO IDEA what is going on in their minds. You can’t discuss current events with them. Dads…it’s weird…but it is SO worth you being willing to push through it because one day when they ARE able to have conversations you won’t be a stranger because you’ve always been there.
#3 – I do not allow ministry conversations to take place – When Charisse and I are out and about and spending time together I do not allow people to corner me and begin to talk to me about the church…EVER! Let me be very clear…I am a pit bull when it comes to protecting this time with my daughter and I do not EVER want her to feel second place to the church (that is how pastor’s kids wind up resenting the church!) I have literally had to tell people that I would love to chat with them about their question but that this isn’t the time because I am spending time with my little girl. Does that seem rude? I’m sure it does…but I’m either going to appear rude to the people with questions OR rude to my daughter…and I’m WAY more willing to offend others than offend her!
One more thing on this…we ALWAYS speak to people on our date if they chat with us. AND…Charisse LOVES meeting new people and even loves hearing stories about what Jesus is doing in their lives. What I am saying is that I will not get into ministry discussions about the church with her there…it’s her time, no one else’s!
#4 – I do not talk on my cell phone – dads, sitting in a restaurant booth with your kid and talking on a cell phone with someone else is NOT spending time with your kid!
#5 – I let her pick the place (and the people!) – I will ask her where she wants to eat…and if she picks it then I would say at least 90% of the time we eat there. AND…sometimes we ask people to come along…but that is her decision as well. (Usually it is one of her friends with their daddy…OR it is some friends of the family whom she absolutely loves.) Once again…I do NOT schedule a ministry meeting and somehow believe because I had her trapped at a restaurant while I discussed an upcoming event for two hours qualifies as time well spent.
#6 – I do not play DVD’s in the car while we are on the way to our destination…we listen to the radio and sing together…OR we just talk. (We do use the DVD player on long trips…but never to medicate ourselves by producing silence in our kid so we don’t have to strive to fulfill Deuteronomy 6:4-7!)
Those are just a few of the why’s and how’s that have worked for me. I am nowhere near being the perfect dad; in fact, on most days I struggle in my mind with whether or not I am doing a good job. BUT…God’s call on my life is to be a follower of Him, Lucretia’s husband, Charisse’s dad and the senior pastor of NewSpring Church…IN THAT ORDER. It is a fight to keep those things in order…but one I am willing to fight so that when I leave this planet one day those who knew me the best would love (and miss) me the most.
Dads…don’t waste those early years with your kids…SEIZE THEM!!!
A Weird Present October 28, 2010
Lucretia (my wife) had a birthday a few weeks ago. I was talking to Charisse (my three year old) about what to get her mommy for her birthday and she told me that we should get her a princess book.
At first I thought that was really sweet…until I realized that Charisse did not want to get Cretia a princess book because that is what Cretia really wanted…but rather it is what Charisse wanted.
I wonder if we do the same thing to God at times…we try to offer Him what HE wants rather than seeking Him with all of our hearts and completely offering ourselves to Him.
We all say we want to “find” what God wants for our lives…but Scripture says that we will find Him when we seek Him with ALL of our hearts (Jeremiah 29:13) AND with the right motives (James 4:3).
I am SO guilty of this at times…approaching God with what I want rather than seeking Him for who He is and what He wants! (AND…what He wants for me/us is “good, pleasing AND perfect, see Romans 12:2, why wouldn’t we want that? MAYBE because so many times we think God needs our help…crazy huh, the Creator needing advice from what He created!)
May we be the kind of people that Jesus described in Matthew 6:33…ones who will seek Him FIRST…and doing so means that we put our plans at His feet and surrender to His!