7 Differences Between A Coach And A Critic - Part Four
#6 – A Coach Will Love You Through A Disagreement – A Critic Will Hate You No Matter What.
There have been a few instances where very godly men and women have confronted me on an issue…and after a lot of thought, discussion and prayer we have came to the conclusion to agree to disagree.
WHICH is always painful for me because I want to always honor the coaches God places in my life…but there are some issues that you will never see eye to eye on, even with those closest to you.
The difference is that, even through a disagreement, a coach will love you. One of the greatest men of God I know shared with me that he respectfully disagreed with the sermon I preached in 2008 declaring what I believe the Bible teaches about drinking alcohol (here is the link if you’re interested.) I love this guy…I understand his reasoning…but I did not agree with his conclusion.
BUT…through all of that the guy NEVER stopped loving me. He didn’t attack me from his pulpit. He did not begin calling people and organizing them against me. We still love each other…we know where we stand on this issue…and we focus on what we have in common rather than beating this issue to death.
Like it or not…a critic doesn’t take this stance. A critic hates you—period. They don’t know you, they’ve never rejoiced OR wept with you. They’ve never prayed with you or helped you wrestle with you through a situation. They…just…hate! Look at the evidence on their website…always tearing down, never building up.
Trust me…you will NEVER win their approval and/or favor!!! Stop trying!
#7 – A Coach Should Be Listened To – A Critic Should Be Ignored.
It is quite funny when people make the comment to me, “So you are running 10,000 in your church now, I guess you feel like you don’t need to listen to anyone?”
The opposite is SO true! The longer we do this thing the more it becomes obvious to me that I am clueless as to what I am doing. Over the past three years I have accumulated more coaches than in the first seven years we were operating…from all different kinds of backgrounds…pastors, my leadership team, business owners, moms, doctors, lawyers, seminary presidents…the list could go on and on.
AND…I’ve been rebuked more than once. I’ve had to say I’m sorry—a lot! I have had to repent of sin. I’ve had to apologize for making a stupid series of decisions that impacted people in a negative way. Trust me…I am being coached by people who are amazing.
BUT…I always, let me say this again, ALWAYS ignore the critics, the haters, the people who are interested in enlarging their platform (wanting to debate in public) and not God’s.
AND…here’s another thing, I’ve ALWAYS ignored them. I ignored them when we had 15 people in a living room…I ignored them when we had 115 show up…I ignored them in year three, five, seven…and I am still ignoring them today. I refuse to subject myself to people who have a desire to do nothing more than steal my joy, kill my desire and destroy the ministry that Jesus has blessed me with.
Correction from a coach IS always painful…but it pain that Jesus uses to conform us to His image. Correction from a critic is always painful as well…but it is damaging to the soul because it comes from people who have no love for you and no desire to resolve the situation…those people simply cannot be trusted.
As I said at the beginning of this series…I know there are those who would disagree with my approach; however, the things I posted are lessons learned the hard way. I used to be obsessed with what “they” were saying…I read every blog that had an opinion about me…and seeing certain things that people were accusing me of was literally destroying my joy and ripping my soul apart. No matter what I did I could never be able to convince them that they had it all wrong…that I am really trying to follow Jesus the best I can…they just hate, so I stopped listening to them…and I cannot describe to you the freedom and joy associated with that decision.
Reading what “they” say about you is what a friend of mine calls “verbal porn!”
A final note on this series of posts…to my critics.
I know that every one of you guys think that this series of blog posts is about you (which MIGHT be pride!) Let me make you a promise…
I don’t read your blog! I haven’t in over two years! I don’t leave anonymous comments on your website…I am not a coward. I don’t follow you on twitter. I don’t look at your facebook page. Trust me…if you think this is about you then you are putting way too much value on an opinion that I could simply care less about…I have a job to do, and answering people who have a blog and demand an audience is not a part of it!
I know you won’t go away…and that’s fine.
I know I will never been good enough in your eyes…which would totally destroy me if that were my goal…but you are dealing with a guy who could care less.
In 2005 I nearly died, I literally was minutes away from stepping into eternity, and when that happen Jesus flipped a switch in me. Scripture clearly says that my days are numbered and my steps are determined…and I refuse to allow my time on this earth to be monopolized by you.
Nehemiah didn’t come down off of the wall to deal with Sanballat and Tobiah. And yes, Jesus DID dine with the Pharisees on occasion…but the purpose was not to receive correction from them but rather to rebuke them.
God has called me to a great work here at NewSpring Church. I love the people in the place…I love the way Jesus allows me to serve them, and I simply refuse to stop serving them so I can begin answering you.
God has called me to love my wife and little girl and lead my family…and so my evenings will not be ruined by trying to somehow convince you that my motives are really about seeing Jesus exalted and His church advanced.
So…keep doing what you do I guess. But as it was said by a very wise Pharisee…if this work I am a part of is not of God…it will fall apart, but if it IS of God…then you won’t be able to stop it. (See Acts 5:38-39)
AND…to the people of NewSpring Church, this is NOT a series of blog posts to/about you. If you are a member of this church then we don’t consider you a critic when you have questions as to what we do or why we do it. We welcome people who ask question for the purpose of clarification. We may disagree in the end…but I don’t perceive those who have honest questions to be critics.
I love you NewSpring Church…and am so thankful for the people over the past 10 years who have actually loved the church enough to seek clarification instead of bashing something they misunderstood in the first place.
We are NOT the perfect church, we never will be…but I can always promise you that it is our goal to see Jesus lifted up…and to make Him famous one life at a time.
It’s been a great 10 years…and I look forward to the next 10 with you!