Date Night September 28, 2005
Tonight is date night! YEAH! ‘Cretia and I both have incredibly demanding schedules with her being a doctor and me being a pastor…and if we are not careful our time will be devoured by other people and events. So when it comes to us spending quality time together we HAVE to be intentional or it will not happen…so we have a date night AT LEAST twice a month…but our goal is for once a week.
For those of you who are married–DATE NIGHT IS A MUST! Please don’t pass this post off as a “good idea,” or even something that may seem “unrealistic” to you…if you want to have a healthy & vibrant marriage then DATE NIGHT must be scheduled, guarded, and made a priority.
There are a few thoughts about date night that I would love to pass along…these are lessons I have learned from personal experience AND learned from observing others.
#1 – Double dating went out with the high school prom
I know some couples who “double date” with other couples. When you and your 13 year old girlfriend were meeting at the skating rink then that was a good idea–BUT hopefully you are a grown up now.
Don’t get me wrong, Lucretia and I spend a lot of time with other couples–we love going to Brusters with large groups; however, at least once a week it us just us, no one else. And men, trust me–that’s important to the woman…if you don’t believe me–ASK!
One more thing…and I learned this particular lesson the hard way…if you run into a couple you know in the restaurant…and say you get there @ the same time and are tempted to ask them to sit with you–DON’T! That is not being rude or inconsiderate–it is protecting your marriage. I remember doing this once and ‘Cretia very calmly explaining to me after leaving the restaurant that she had desired to have my complete attention that night. I dropped the ball, but not again.
#2 – Leave the cell phone alone!
I remember Ed Young saying @ C3 this past year, “I own the phone–not vice versa.”
Lucretia and I were on our way to supper one night and the cell phone rang–of course I picked it up…I am a man…I am needed…the world cannot operate without me…the phone rang…what was I to do–actually spend time with my wife and ignore it?
After talking on it ‘Cretia asked me if the call could have waited…it could have. Once again she explained to me that on date night she wants to have my complete attention. Men, once again, that’s important to her…if you don’t believe me–ASK!
Some men I see on date night are pathetic…they have their cell phone, blackberry, their PDA–they don’t look like a husband–they look like Batman!!! Quit playing the super hero role, leave the office and spend time with your wife. You own the phone.
#3 – Trust your babysitter
Women, I have to say this…if you call the babysitter more than once to check on your children then you have a problem. Hire someone you can trust, pay them well, take YOUR cell phone (so your husband can leave his) and instruct them that if there are any problems for them to call you…and then GO and have a great night together.
Your husband wants to have time with you on date night…and if you are ignoring him every ten minutes to call home and check on the kids then he feels neglected–if you don’t believe me–ASK.
#4 – Be willing to pay money for a babysitter
I know, babysitters are expensive, right? I heard it said one time that you can either pay the babysitter now or the divorce lawyers later–and so you might as well pay now–it’s cheaper.
One of the things we see @ NewSpring is that our home groups have jumped all over this. On one night a couple will date and another couple in their group will keep their kids–FOR FREE. Then the next night the couple that kept the kids the night before will go out and the couple that went out the previous night do the babysitting deal. That works!
#5 – Let your kids cry
I have heard some parents say, “But my kids cry when I leave them.” Uh, parents, just in case you haven’t figured this out–your children are incredible actors. I know, some of you are getting ill right now–get over it–it’s true. Watch them the next time they fall down…most of them do not cry immediately–they look at you…and they will react based on how you react. Don’t say it doesn’t happen.
And so when you are getting ready to leave and they start crying…GO! They need to understand that daddy and mommy love each other, are going to spend time together, and will come back when the date is over.
And remember this…one day they are going to leave the house…and even though you cry…it isn’t going to slow them down.
(And please spare me the e-mails about how ‘Cretia and I don’t have kids and we don’t understand. I know too many couples with kids who have made date night a priority…and they all have awesome marriages!)
#6 – Don’t fight the silence
I remember one particular date night that Lucretia and I sat at the dinner table for about three minutes & said nothing to one another…I was going crazy. I had to have noise, some type of conversation…some type of something. I said to her, “‘Cretia–this is driving me crazy, are you really enjoying this…we aren’t doing anything expect sitting here.” She replied, “That’s ok…WE are sitting here…I have your attention…and so we don’t have to say anything–just being with you is great.”
Since then I have learned not to fight the silence…if you have something to talk about…go for it…if not, then it is ok to stare @ each other and smile. And don’t worry what others say–they’re jealous!